The Peace Train

Hi, I'm Rock. Let's Shoot a Moose.

2008-09-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

Jen-nay tipped me off to this fun little site , (presumably prompted by a beer-fueled conversation last night about Sarah Palin and her children) which tells you what your name would be if you were a Palin offspring. Personally the Republican VP candidate makes my skin crawl, as do the names of her god-knows-how-many children: Bristol, Piper, Track, Willow, and Trig (which apparently is Norse for "strength", potentially cool, but whatever). So what's your Palin name? Type it in and find out. Had I been lucky enough to be birthed into that skwacky right-wing gun-toting family, you would not be reading "The World According To Drewby", but rather "The World According To ROCK CRANE PALIN". I think my Palin name is much more rugged and sexy, but we must sacrifice some things for sanity.

Yeah, I'd Eat That.

2008-09-11T17:29:00.000-07:00

I read this little interesting tidbit on Jen-nay's blog, and thought I'd give it a go. As long as ketchup and mustard are not part of the list... I don't really consider myself an adventuresome eater, as in, I don't actively seek out fried pig intestines or rain forest slugs, but I'm not too afraid to try new things. After all, I DID once eat a guinea pig. Lets see how I fair...

1) Copy this list onto your blog, including these instructions.
2) Mark the items you’ve eaten with a "+".
3) Mark any items that you would never consider eating with a "-".
4) Let us know when you've posted the list, so we can compare!
5) Have fun!
6) Put in parentheses definitions that you had to google or wiki.

I've added my personal commentary in italics.

1. Venison +
2. Nettle tea
3. Steak tartare +
4. Alligator
5. Black pudding (pictured)
6. Raclette
7. Natto
8. Carp +
9. Borscht + tried it and hated it. cold pink soup is not apatizing...ever.
10. Baba ghanoush + the food or the person?
11. Calamari +
12. Pho (Vietnamese noodle soup with sliced beef)
13. Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich + I hate them.
14. Aloo gobi (dry Pakistani curry)
15. Dirty water dogs from a street cart
16. Epoisses de Bourgogne
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes + I have some peach wine that is awesome.
19. Steamed pork buns Sounds sexy.
20. Green tea ice cream
21. Ugli fruit +
22. Fresh, wild berries +
23. Foie gras +
24. Gumbo +
25. Head cheese - I don't think I could ever bring myself to do it. They did however serve head cheese sandwiches at the German club this weekend.
26. Raw habanero
27. Dulce de leche +
28. Raw oysters +
29. Baklava + Trying a new recipe soon: Baklava pouches. I'll keep you posted.
30. Bagna cauda (a warm dip served and consumed in a manner similar to fondue is made with garlic, anchovies, olive oil and butter.)
31. Wasabi peas +
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl Never in combination.
33. Salted lassi
34. Kim chee +
35. Kangaroo
36. Cognac (with a fat cigar) + Fat cigar not included.
37. Clotted cream
38. Jello shots +
39. Buttermilk +
40. Oxtail +
41. Curried goat
42. Insects
43. Phaal (one of the hottest curries available)
44. Goat's milk +
45. Whiskey that cost more than $200 a bottle
46. Fugu (pufferfish pictured)
47. Chicken tikka masala +
48. Eel+
49. Warm Krispy Kreme original glazed donut +
50. Sea urchin roe
51. Prickly pear+
52. Umeboshi (pickled Japanese fruit similar to a plum)
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. Big Mac Meal +
56. Spaetzle + I actually had an awesome meal of Spaetzle in Ecuador, oddly enough. One of the students living in my house was a chef from Switzerland and made the most incredible German and Swiss food.
57. Dirty gin martini +
58. Anchovies +
59. Poutine
60. Carob +
61. S'mores +
62. Sweetbreads - Again, I simply cannot do innards and leftover animal parts.
63. Balut - Nor can I do semi-fertilized animals.
64. Salted plums
65. Durian I have always wanted to try it ever since I saw a man on TV almost get a concussion from trying to knock one off of a tree.
66. Frog legs +
67. Beignets + I'm with Jen-nay. I've never had the "real deal" at Cafe du Monde, for example, so I'm sure anything similar I have had just bastardizes the experience.
68. Haggis - Nope. See previous statements about guts.
69. Fried plaintain + I ate fried plantains with basically every meal and in between in South America. So much to the point that now, I don't much care for them. But I do periodically make them for my students.
70. Chitterlings - I just watched Andrew Zimmern make and sample Chitterlings in Mississippi last night on the Travel Channel and almost threw up in my mouth.
71. Gazpacho + I had it in Spain, which I suppose would be the quintessential location to sample Gazpacho. I've also had it several times since in the US, but never really cared for it. Again, it goes back to the cold vegetable soup thing...
72. Caviar +
73. Louche absinthe +
74. Gjetost, or brunost (a brown Norwegian whey cheese)
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu (a Chinese alcohol literally meaning "white liquor")
77. Hostess chocolate pie +
78. Snails +
79. Lapsang souchong tea
80. Bellini +
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs benedict +
83. Pocky + A student of mine once gave me Pocky to try. Not bad if you like tasteless wafers dipped in waxy chocolate. (Hello Kitty not included)
84. Suckling pig +
85. Kobe or Waygu beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash +
88. Edible flowers +
89. Bear
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam + Unfortunately.
92. Soft shell crab +
93. Rose harissa
94. Ostrich +
95. Mole poblano + The real deal authentic is obviously superior, but the new mole burrito at Mad Mex is banging.
96. Lox
97. Polenta +
98. Kopi Luwak coffee
99. Lobster Thermidor +
100.Snake - My unreasonable fear does not stop at the frying pan.

So there you have it. My culinary adventures and fears. Some animal parts will never be consumed by Drewby, while other very lucky ones will.

Strange Weekend Happenings

2008-09-08T15:48:00.000-07:00

Strange Happening FRIDAY:
Happy Hour with several colleagues at the usual watering hole. Everything seemed business as usual, until the waitress brought out a basket of chips with strange suggestive filigree adornments. I'm not sure what kind of snacks this bar is pushing, I'll let you be the judge of that, but it sure brought a smile to my face. These images also brought on a long discussion of a possible book compilation; photos of porn in unexpected places. Expect to see it in stores by next Christmas.
Strange Happening SATURDAY:
After a long day of car shopping with my parents, a night out was in order. Unfortunately, I had missed the Jackon sister caravan to karaoke, but a friend called me Saturday night and invited me to a beer festival being held at a German club in Pittsburgh. The only information I got was that it was a private German club, but was open to the public tonight and there would be German beer. That's all the information I needed. I was in. When he and I arrived, we were greeted in the parking lot by a young man on a cellphone in full Leiderhosen regalia. I knew this would be a good night. Perhaps the strangest and most awkward portion of the evening was when a traditional mens dancing troupe of about 12 took the floor to perform a dance that can only be described as standing 69-position ass slapping in synchronization. Whatever you're picturing is pretty accurate. (Unfortunately I didn't think to take a picture for the new photo book to be published). About 3 pitchers of lager and several German toasts later, I found myself in the after hours Rathskeller drinking with the locals (after we got kicked out once for not being members).Strange Happening SUNDAY:
As I was flipping through the channels yesterday, a caption under John McCain caught my eye on CNN. I certainly think this a valid and winning promise for the next president.

Also, saw this bumper sticker in the grocery store parking lot. I'll let this one speak for itself.

It's Been So Long...

2008-08-25T19:13:00.001-07:00

Well readers, it's been a or while. Quite a long while actually. So long, that blogger has changed the main page since I last logged on. As you may have guessed, I've been less than inspired or motivated to blog, let alone even turn on my computer, hence the sporadic and lackluster posting.

I do however feel the need to share that my niece Ellie starts kindergarten tomorrow. Something that completely blows my mind. Ahh, it seems like only yesterday that was I fretting that my sister may have her baby during coveted ALF time and I would have to miss a second of the festivities. And now, five and a half years later, she's officially a "grade schooler". And apparently a self-reflective teenybopping grade schooler, considering our phone conversation this evening thanking me for some "back to school mad money" I sent her late last week:

Ellie: "Thanks for the money Drewby!"
Me: "You're welcome. What are you going to buy with it?"
Ellie: "Oh, I already bought some school supplies"
(*note: fun money is never to be spent on school supplies)
Me: "School supplies? Why?"
Ellie: "Because I needed a Hannah Montana diary."

Apparently kindergarten writing assignments have changed a bit since I've been there.

...'Cuase I'm A Creep...

2008-08-06T07:56:00.001-07:00

As you may or may not know, Monday evening was the coveted Radiohead concert attendance by yours truly and a couple colleagues in Cleveland. The concert was nothing short of amazing. Even if you're not a Radiohead fan, the lighting effects and random shower busts of hundreds of glow-sticks from the back of the venue alone would have left you in amazement. I also remained surprisingly sober (based of the previous concert attendances this summer, that is something of a feat) and I'm glad I did. The show was sold out, so we were packed in like sardines, but once Thom Yorke and gang took the stage, it didn't much matter. My 2 beefs of the evening:

No Karma Police, which I was expecting at least as an encore. Although "Paranoid Android" (or Paranoid Andrew as it is sometimes called) made a surprise early appearance in the show, to which I went crazy.

When we returned to my vehicle in the parking lot (which we had a hell of a time finding) we hung out, tailgated some more, listened to my car stereo and waited for the traffic to lighten up a bit. At 1 am, packed up and ready to go, my car was dead. Like really dead. Luckily there were some good drunk Samaritans there to help us out.

Besides the two mini-disasters, the show was awesome and I'm ready for the next Radiohead show.

	Radiohead - Karma Police

	Found at skreemr.com

Why My Parents Rock

2008-07-31T14:28:00.001-07:00

This "Welcome Home" present, a toilet bowl brush that looks like George W. Bush, was waiting for me at their house when I returned from California:

I'm Baaack!

2008-07-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

I've successfully completed my whirlwind tour of southern California with my grandfather which, all in all, was a pretty good time.

Perhaps the most interesting, or at least exciting, part of the trip actually occurred on the way back, so I'll start at the end. Perhaps by now you've heard of the minor earthquake that happened yesterday in the L.A. area? Well, Gramps and I was sitting in the airport not too far from the epicenter when it all went down. This being my first real earthquake (besides several small tremors I experienced in South America) I was a bit confused as to what was happening. Much to my chagrin, I quickly snapped into right-wing fear tactic mode and was certain that a plane had careened into the side of the airport, no doubt at the hands of terrorists. However my response was quickly assuaged when the rumbling continued, and when I saw the hanging lights and signs swaying like streamers from the ceiling, I realized that we were in fact not under attack by those pesky terrorists, but rather by Mother Nature.
Being the good Samaritan that I am, after the quake I walked over to an elderly woman in the terminal sitting in a wheelchair by herself, and asked if she was O.K. She quickly explained that she was from Texas, absolutely terrified and "Ohh Sug-ah, I need ohn that Gohd Damned plane raaht NOW!". So I wheeled her over next to Gramps and I, and she just chatted up a Southern Belle storm with my grandpa, usually accentuating whatever she was talking about with how horribly scary the earthquake was. (For reference it wasn't that bad).
I sat and listened to their conversation for a while, until it turned to politics, and she proclaimed the glory and righteousness that is George Bush and his maniacal political party, which pissed both me and Gramps off, but I was the only one who took
the bait and started making digs. I quickly caught myself using words like "embarrassment" and "racist" and decided that I had no business arguing politics with a 75 year old Texan who just suffered through her first earthquake. So I went to The Coffee Bean.

I will not bore you with all the minute details of the trip, however I did get to see a bit of San Francisco, got to swim in the Pacific, took a tram to one of highest points in California, and did a little hiking* on some amazing trails in the desert where I saw a herd of big-horned sheep and caves with Native American hieroglyphs.

I also learned some incredible and incredibly humorous things from and about my grandfather and had many interesting experiences with him and his two brothers.

In the original version of this post, I listed several quotes and stories that were told by my grandfather and his brothers about growing up and past experiences that stood out in my memory. However, after re-reading the post several times, I realized only the dodgey and morally questionable bits were listed, which in turn made my experience and family sound a bit trashy. So, I have modified the post with a few pictures from my trip. I will be posting random things from my trip in the future (somehow spread out, the trashiness will be lessened). But until then, I leave you with this quote:

"I'm Little Willy from Southern Philly, he's Long Dong from Hong Kong, and he's Big Dork from New York".

*I use the term "hiking" VERY loosely.

Photos:
1: View on tram new Palm Springs, CA
2: Pacific Ocean, Carlsbad, CA
3: Herd of sheep
4: Trail in Joshua Tree National Park
5: Small portion of San Diego skyline
6: Cave with Native American hieroglyphs

Marchons, Marchons...!

2008-07-14T08:24:00.000-07:00

Joyeux Jour de la Bastille to everyone!

Today, as France celebrates, I embark on my trip to California with my grandpa. I'll be gone until then end of the month, and am not sure if I'll be updating anything until then. If not, I'll update when I get back with all the stories and hilarity that will ensue as Gramps and I take on the west coast.

Happy Birthday To...

2008-07-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

..well, ME! Today I've reached the quarter-century mark in my life, and in true child of the 80's fashion I'll be celebrating my birthday today at the Steve Miller Band concert with some good friends. Nothing fancy and no bar hopping, just some good old fashioned concert drinking! I'm not necessarily a huge Steve Miller fan, nor do I know a ton of his music, but I'm anticipating this concert to be a great time!

(*Note: In honor of The Steve Miller Band's appearance in "da 'Burgh", the lyrics to this song have temporarily been changed to "Abra-abracadabrinz, I wanna reach out and grab yinz")

Behold Loafer's Dog

2008-07-11T14:52:00.000-07:00

In response to the post below, You were right Julia, it was a Silky Terrier. Something that definitely does not belong in a car garage.

How Rude!

2008-07-09T10:19:00.000-07:00

Since when did the blatant lack of common courtesy become the social norm? I've never understood how some people manage to go about their daily lives completely unaware of their sheer rudeness. I base this post on the happenings today while running errands.

It all starts as I arrived at the car garage for my 11 am oil change appointment. As I approached the entrance, I hesitated to open the door as I saw on the other side of the glass an 18-month old named Ethan (I know these facts because while I was waiting for my car I began eavesdropping on the conversations with Ethan's mother and other customers who seemed to genuinely give a shit about his recent walking then running developments). Ethan was barely holding a retractable dog leash to which was attached some breed of dog that resembled a bigger Yorkshire Terrier (Julia, help me out with this one). I didn't open the door because I was afraid that Ethan, the dog, or both would go bolting out into to traffic, and the blood would be on my hands. So instead, I waited, expecting, for his mother to come scoop him up. Waited...waited...nothing, just Ethan and the dog staring. So I entered the store, and tried to hold back the toddler and dog.

As I'm talking to the man behind the counter, the dog somehow escaped the clutches of an 18-month old and began jumping on and licking my left leg. Completely annoyed by this point, instead of reaching down and acknowledging the animal, I just shook my leg until it went away. Suddenly, and man behind me in khaki short-shorts and penny loafers (you know the type), who actually turned out to be the dog's owner, not Ethan, said "Woah, look out Buddy, looks like we don't have a 'dog person' here." To which I turned around and explained to the man that I do, in fact, like dogs, just not strangers dogs jumping on me in public places. Loafers and I didn't exchange anymore smalltalk after that.
(Side note: why do people bring their lap dogs to the car garage?)

After speaking with the attendant, I turned around to the crowded waiting room to find no available seats. No, there weren't THAT many people in the room, one seat was taken up by a woman's over sized handbag, another by Loafer's dog, and yet another by Ethan. Less than impressed, I stood in the corner next to a stack of Michelin tires and sipped my coffee and read my book in disgust. (finally, the toddler moved and scrambled to steal his seat.)

Fast-forward twenty minutes, and Ethan's mom is ready to go, but apparently not Ethan as he ran across the waiting room jumped into he chair directly next to mine and began screaming as he pulled relentlessly on my arm. I thought I gave of a sufficiently annoyed vibe, but I guess not because mom just smiled and said "Oh, do you want to stay and play with him?". No he doesn't, go home. Ok, thanks.

About five minutes after they leave, a woman starts bitching to no one in particular about how she's been there since 8 am. Bitchworthy indeed, but I'm not going to get your struts replaced. In response to the complaint Loafers says, and I quote, "Squeaky wheel gets the oil, darling, tell one of those guys." Darling? Darling to a complete stranger? With that I got up and walked out to have a smoke. I couldn't take it anymore.

I then stopped at Panera for a quick lunch. As I'm waiting for my Bacon Turkey Bravo, I find myself next to yet another toddler holding a large sized fountain drink. When I look down at him, he promptly and what seemed deliberately dropped the full drink, which then exploded on the floor. Instead of mom bringing that to the attention of one of the workers, she instead scooped up Junior and headed for the door. What? Really? I witnessed a similar situation once and the Dairy Queen when a teenager and her father were eating their Blizzards and the daughter dropped hers on the floor. Again, instead of Dad alerting someone of the mess, he said "Hurry up and let's get out of here". What the hell? Who are these idiots raising children? I stand firm in my controversial opinion that people should pass a test before being allowed to procreate.

Rudeness abounds in the area it seems, and it grates on me a little more each day. I'm not sure if it's the pseudo-swanky suburban housewives with their gas guzzlers and bug-eyed designer shades or the general disinterest in others is just part of a new culture, but it's annoying the piss out of me.

I refer to the first stop of my day to illustrate the other extreme of rudeness: the drive through at Starbucks. I usually avoid going there in the morning because the people are overly nice and considerate, annoyingly so, and to the point where you question it's genuineness. When the lady at the window told me that I looked "very handsome today" (note: at this point I had not yet showered, was wearing my glasses, a ripped Nike T-shirt and a hat with grass stains on it) and to "enjoy my delicious latte on this gorgeous day" (second note: it was thunder storming at the time) I just about lost my shit. Isn't there a happy medium we can all get to, not blatant disregard and letting Fido jump on strangers, but not overcompensating your own depression by dripping strangers in 2-cent and made-up compliments? Really people, get it together.

Disturbing Yet Intriguing Things I Find On Everyday Adventures

2008-07-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

While browsing the aisles at WalMart yesterday, I came across this little gem in the vacuum aisle. Apparently someone felt the need to replace the price and information card with this cryptic spiritual message:

DISTURBING YET INTRIGUING.

After my shopping encounter, I stopped to grab some food at a nearby restaurant. While waiting, I was being stared down by an extremely out of place, over sized white rabbit in a top hat.

DISTURBING YET INTRIGUING.

Photo Essay Of My 4th Of July Experience

2008-07-04T11:49:00.001-07:00

His name is "Bunkey"

Any half chub in gold looks bigger.

It's hard to tell, but there is a man in an outhouse in the back of a pickup truck with his pants down.

Men who can't wait to get away from their wives.

Best patriotic line of the day: "Sorry about your dick weeping cancer, Greg."

HAPPY 4TH!

Hello, My Name Is Drewby. Remember Me?

2008-07-02T12:31:00.000-07:00

Since leaving my blogging regimen (or better, sporadic blogging) this is what I've been up to:

After what seemed like an eternity, my final day of work finally arrived last Friday and in typical fashion, I celebrated with many drinks with friends. Which made more an interesting Saturday morning when I had to wake up early to make the trek north to my parents for a wedding that night. As you may know, weddings are not my favorite affairs, and I typically go into them with a rather pessimistic "I give it 2 years" kind of attitude. I would like to sat this wedding was different, but I can not. A very old childhood friend of mine married his high school sweetheart in a town next to where we grew up. Lovely wedding, lovely reception (cash bar, but I digress...) blah blah blah. Deez Nuts made the trip north with me, so at least I had some entertainment. What had planned on a weekend trip, be back home Sunday turned into a four day event. Due mostly to various members of my family coming up with plans and events that made me feel guilty for leaving. Highlights included eating huge meals, sleeping, eating more, chilling in the hot tub, or "Cajoozie" as my gramps calls it, eating and then going out to eat. It was a great relaxing weekend, but I was more than ready to leave this morning. So after an early rise this morning and a brief stop in Clarion for breakfast with a former professor (Elisabeth, if you're there, I apologize) I'm back at my place. Unfortunately, I did not get to visit with anyone other than my immediate family this weekend, so if you're from home reading this, don't kill me.

Another highlight of the trip was witnessing the phenomenon of my hometown, the preparation for the 4th of July parade. Presumably because there is nothing else to do or look forward to in this town, locals line the parade route 3 to 5 days in advance with lawn chairs in order to get an excellent view of the mediocre parade. Most are linked together with rope to avoid easy theft, but the good seats, the REALLY good seats are chained to street signs and utility poles. (side note: it has always been a mischievous fantasy for one friend and I to saturate the entire street of chairs with maple syrup the night of July 3rd. Unfortunately it didn't happen this year, but I feel next year might be the year. Just imagine what the people in Meyersdale would say! )(Photos courtesy of Dee from my moving vehicle)

So now I am back at home refreshed and ready to tackle the lazy summer days ahead. I realized the other day that, because of my shortened summer, I had not yet prepared my summer reading stack. So, in order to get motivated, I made a trip to Barnes & Noble this afternoon, which is always an economic disaster. After an hour or so of browsing, reading and Starbucks, I managed to get away with only 3 purchases: "Drown" by Junot Diaz (I really wanted "The brief wondrous life of Oscar Wao, but it won't be in until September), an Isabel Allende novel, and Miranda July's new book of stories (Jen-nay, it's all yours when I'm finished). Any other suggestions for the summer stack are more than welcome!

New Jam I'm Currently Digging

2008-06-25T15:18:00.000-07:00

Death Cab For Cutie "I Will Possess Your Heart"

I've heard this jam on the radio several times, and for some reason I'm digging it. It's a combination of the lyrics and trendy haunting melody. Borderline too indie, but I like. I actually went out and bought the entire cd because of this song, and the album isn't all like this one, but overall I think it's a pretty good album.

Three Purchases Made Today Of Things I Don't Need With Money I Don't Have.

2008-06-22T11:49:00.001-07:00

Not So Yum-O

2008-06-16T16:29:00.000-07:00

I found this article last month, and have been meaning to blog about it's ridiculousness for a while. The gist of the story is that some conservative right-wingers had beef with Rachael Ray's new Dunkin' Donuts commercial. Not because Republicans don't allow themselves simple joys like donuts or even that Rachael's voice distracts them from their work of sucking souls, but because of what she is wearing. Apparently Republican's have become the fashion police, the global fashion police. Surprise surprise, something else for them to have their panties in a bunch about. According to the MSNBC article, right wing people with some pull claimed that Rachael is wearing what appeared to be a kaffiyeh, which is an Arab head wrap. This of course confuses the general American audience, and tricks them into believing that supporting religious radicals and terrorists is a good thing, and now can't make the difference between a greasy donut-pushing television host and a Muslim extremist.

To me, (and probably anyone else with a rational bone in their body) the scarf looks like a hip fashion trend. I actually like the look, and wouldn't mind having one like it. In fact, Kanye West is even wearing one in his new video with Chris Martin. Oh wait, he already is the enemy of the Bush regime. What's worse, instead of Dunkin' Donuts' advertising team standing up to these goons and defending this ridiculous claim, they pulled the ad! Whatever Dunkin' Donuts, whatever.

What prompted me to finally get around to writing about this article was a conversation I had with a woman who I met at a wedding this weekend. This woman works for an advertising agency which handles some of Rachael Ray's products, which means this woman has met and worked with Rachael herself. I was a little bit surprised to hear her tell me that in real life, behind the camera and the overly kitschy Catskill Mountains charm, Rachael is "a total bitch". According to my conversation, she's a chain-smoker who won't leave Manhattan. I personally enjoy this little bit of information about Rachael. She seems a little too cute and campy on her shows (and her talk show is a disaster), so the smoking and bad attitude give her a bit of cred in my opinion. Terrorist sympathizer or not, any chain-smoking, trash-talking, beer-swilling mountain girl is my type of TV Chef.

Daddy-o!

2008-06-15T15:10:00.000-07:00

In honor of Fathers Day, I present to you my father circa 1971. My dad and I have a healthy, but strange father-son relationship which includes small talk usually over several beers. Many people say that I get my temperament (not to mention charming good looks!) from my father. The man has the patience of a saint, but let things build up a little too much, and one small thing will send him (or anyone in his path) overboard. I consider myself to be pretty much the same way.

As I get older, I am also beginning to realize that I not only inherited his temperament, but also tinges of his anal-retentiveness and need for things to be organized. Not just tidied up in a pile, but turbo-organized. Now, in my defense, I'm not nearly as filed and labeled as my father (yet), but I'm close. The first time he came to my apartment and saw that my dress shirts were organized in my closet by color he was beaming with pride. Keep in mind that this is also the an who has every bank statement and canceled check from the past 20 years. While helping me move a huge recliner that my parents have given to me which was bought several years before I was born, I joked about him still hanging on the sales receipt for the thing. Sure enough, upon return home, he sorted through some file folders, found one labeled "1980" and there was the damned receipt. So why do my forks have to be facing the same direction, or my belts rolled and stacked in the drawer? My Pops.

So here's to you Daddy-o, and all fathers. Happy Fathers Day!

FOUND:

2008-06-10T13:07:00.000-07:00

beside the parking lot of my apartment building today at 4:01 pm:

Open Letter To WalMart And All Applicable Companies, Associates and Customer

2008-06-09T17:10:00.000-07:00

Dear WalMart,

You have me right where you want me, and I applaud your marketing skills and ploys that got me there. However, a few things need to be brought to your attention. First may I recommend a fresher produce section, as I discovered the green pepper I purchased today was mush at the bottom. Normally I would check for such things, but a busy mother of four was hustling me out of the vegetable aisle, so I grabbed and ran. Also a routine maintenance check on shopping carts might be in order, since for the past several times, my cart had at least one wheel that simply would not turn.

As for your greeting card section, it became apparent to me this evening that unless you are a child of 6 years or less, a daughter or married, finding an appropriate Father's Day card is near impossible. I did end up purchasing a card for my father at your store which had a reasonable sentiment, however it was laden with scripture, which goes completely against my better judgment. I'm quite sure this is part of an elaborate religious right scheme by your company which has yet to be uncovered. Further more, I felt the need to explain my selection to the check-out associate as he looked over my card by saying "It's the only one I could find." I'd prefer if next time he didn't read my purchases.

While on the topic of checking out. Perhaps a more rigorous enforcement of the "20 items or less" policy could be considered. The pair of less than savory women in two-size-too-small denim short shorts bought well over their fair 20 items in skimpy swim suits and black "Peace Love and Elmo" tank tops (side bar: you may consider pulling those from the shelves completely) while shamelessly flirting with the aforementioned sales associate held the line for much longer than necessary. Which not only annoyed me, but also the young father and two screaming toddler girls behind me, who in turn annoyed me even further.

And to the Tropicana company, please restock the organic apple and pear juice. It is my favorite, and I get very angry at WalMart for not carrying it.

Also, WalMart, your brand new "McCafe" isn't fooling anyone. It's clearly a McDonald's with a better decor and a coffee machine that congests the entrance to your store.

I do hope you take my suggestions into consideration, as you will undoubtedly suck me back into your low priced web again.

Oh, and I saw a mother and her son in the cereal aisle eat all the chicken fingers they just picked up from the deli and threw the container away without paying.

Update

2008-06-03T16:53:00.000-07:00

What have I been up to as of late you ask? Well, not a whole lot, but here's a week-in review submitted for your reading pleasure.

The Dave Matthew's concert was a smashing success, I think. I'm ashamed to say that I paid absolutely no attention to the performance, but had a great time anyway. The traditional tailgating ritual turned into a frat party about a half an hour into it when it was decided that "shotgunning" beers was in order. That was the downfall of the entire night as I see it. But it was complete with gourmet burgers, peeing in the woods and a visit from some random pot-smoking stranger-friends sporting "Dee's Nuts" tee-shirts. Fast-forward about 4 hours to the concert which included $8 beers, a lost pair of shoes and a French-speaking friend and I running through the crowd jumping over people and yelling "It's O.K.! We Speak French."
I'm preparing myself for a golf outing for work this coming weekend. My foursome includes myself and 3 middle aged women. All of whom play little to no golf. I've been out golfing maybe three times before, none of which would I ever consider elevated my playing ability. Stay tuned for the embarrassing update and pictures.
I've been on the hunt for a new place to live with no luck in sight. My current living situation is alright, however I'm growing very tired of living under and over someone. Buying is not an option a) because I have no desire for the financial and physical responsibilities b) I am in absolutely no position to cough up any amount of house-buying cash. My search by word of mouth and online has made me feel frustrated and inadequate on a number of levels and am starting to resign myself to signing over another lease for my apartment, at least for one more year.
I was told today by a 14 year old that I certainly wasn't the type of person to party or have fun and probably find myself sipping tea instead of "really partying". Actually, I think the term "with your pinky up" was included also. I simply agreed in modest humility and neglected to tell the youngster that I had a hard time remembering my name the previous weekend.
Yesterday evening, in search for something "Mmm Mmm Mmm Toasty" and over priced, I dropped by Quizno's for dinner. When I asked the kid making my sandwich for the "Turkey Bacon Guacamole" sandwich, his only reply was "Gross", and made my meal in silence. Ok, thanks Quizno's kid, my guamalee was, in fact, quite delicious.
Along with my housing search, I've also been looking (although with an obvious lack of enthusiasm) for graduate programs to obtain a Master's degree. My specifications are a bit specific, as I want/need an intensive summer program, however, the idea of it all stresses me out to the extent that every time I begin to do some research I have to take a permanent break.
Over the weekend I watched the entire first season of "Big Love" which I really do love. I'm not sure if it's the creepy/well-written story line or the fact that you're guaranteed a graphic sex-scene in every episode, but I'm definitely a fan of the series.

Wanna Know How I Know You're Gay?

2008-05-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

You like Coldplay. (and/or Chris Martin)

I know, I know ANOTHER music video post Drewby? But I just caught this new video on BET (yes, BET. And I also learned that you can catch "Different Strokes" there every day at 3) this afternoon and I'm loving the juxtaposition of Kanye West's pseudo-hard rap with Chris Martin's awesome voice and piano playing. Check it out, and let me know: is it just me or does Kanye's crotch seem to take an eerily leading role?

New Jam I'm Currently Digging

2008-05-27T16:45:00.000-07:00

Cold War Kids "Hang Me Up To Dry"

Hey Drewby, Take A Flying Leap...

2008-05-27T16:07:00.001-07:00

into the 21st century.

After a failed attempt at getting a new cool phone, I made the purchase today of the enV2, which I think I may grow to love. Not only does it have a flip up full keyboard, but also a memory card I can plug into my laptop. So get ready for a barrage of picture posts and text message 'yinz!.

2008-05-26T18:20:00.001-07:00

I made my way back to my hometown this holiday weekend to visit the family, and for the first time in a while, I had an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. I think the OT on family visiting coupled with seeing a few friends I hadn't seen in a while really made me miss the old town. However, my weekend was also filled with "This is why I moved" moments. This weekend was all a buzz in the sleepy town too, because it was the annual Memorial Day Jubilee! Yes I realize that it is probably the only place in the free world that still refers to something as a "Jubilee" (and they also have a Juneteenth celebration, but that's another post altogether). So not only did I get to witness a stellar fireworks display, I also got to participate in a 15 minute long parade and a chicken BBQ! I did also snag some awesome stuff for work from one of my oldest and bestests Kato (No, not Kalin).

Besides the awesome festivities, I worked like a bone fide indentured servant landscaping with my father this weekend. The bonding was nice, but the sunburn doesn't really seem worth it.

I also learned that my two neices have developed their own language, which totally fascinates me. A new vocabulary word I learned this weekend: "cheekin' " = kidding. I took this opportunity to introduce them to some Chutney Popcorn vocabulary as well. They now pronounce "chips and salsa" as "chulsa", and I actually taught them that "bear paw" is pronounced "burpah". However, their idea of a bear paw and the literal Chutney to English translation vary quite a bit, I didn't want to let them miss out on any language learning moment.

In other unrelated new, while sitting on my porch this evening, I witnessed a couple pull in and out of the same parking spot a total of 4 times to readjust the car. Then after the 4th attempt, a woman got out of the passenger seat, and directed him how to park, describing in inches how far the car was away from the curb. Please keep in mind this was NOT parallel parking, nor was their a car in the space next to it. Really?

I hope everyone had an excellent and Sucker-free Memorial Day weekend.

	Busta Rhymes - Don't Touch Me

	Found at skreemr.com

2008-05-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

If I see one more card, sign, mug or plaque that says "The Tassel Was Worth The Hassle" I'm flipping shit on Hallmark Inc.

2008-05-20T16:57:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought all reality TV was scripted and you couldn't relate to the cast, MTV cranks out yet another teenage show stopper that has The Hills spitting out their chai lattes in disgust. The Paper, which I had the distinct pleasure of stumbling upon this evening, follows the life of a group of high school students, Cypress Bay high school students to be exact, through the twists, turns and perils of writing for a school newspaper. I ended up watching the entire episode, which I guess speaks volumes of my social life, and was disgusted yet sickly fascinated at the same time. Granted, I'm surely not the target audience for such a stomach turning program, but I mean really, MTV. Haven't we learned our lesson with "A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila"? The program includes, of course, the nerd, the jock, the indie girl, the awkward kid and the token gay guy. Don't everyday teenagers have enough drama already? The juicy plot line of the episode I was fortunate to catch was, and I quote, "Mrs. Weiss shakes up the seating arrangements in hopes it will bring harmony to the paper." I leave you with that.

On Guamalee Salad And Other Rants

2008-05-19T15:47:00.000-07:00

I've been out of the blogging mode for quite some time, and have had a rather hot-cold relationship with the Peace Train as of late. Perhaps it's my social schedule that is keeping me from the blog or perhaps my lethargic and empathetic attitude toward just about everything except procrastination and alcohol. Either way, I need to snap out of it, and fast. I've decided to start yet another photo segment to my blog. I will be posting the first picture that appears on a Google image search to a word that sticks in my head or funny phrase. (Please feel free to contribute search ideas). I think these posts my prove to be quite interesting.

On a side note, on my way home from work everyday I pass an electronic announcement billboard which is placed there to alert of any upcoming roadwork or detours. However, as everyone in, near or remotely associated with the city is suffering from a Penguins victory hangover, the sign reads today "LET'S GO PEN'S!". This grammatical error magnified to 10 feet of flashing LCD lights is about to peak my annoyance meter. If it's not fixed by mid-week I'm calling PenDot.

The Jackson Cookout extravaganza was again a smashing sucess, replete with the surprise appearance of a man who was my roommate my sophomore year of high school in a summer camp. Youth Scholars Camp to be exact (insert "NEEERD" comment here Jen-nay). I had not seen this guy since then, and am actually quite surprised I made the connection enough to remember that we were in fact acquaintances.

Things I learned at the cookout:

Pre-packaged hamburger patties contain beef hearts.
In an underground version of "Friend/Fondle/Fuck/Watersports" I get watersports every time.
Everyone in China has a name that ends in "N". (No formal evidence to back this one up yet.)
Moms can still get down. (I plan on eating poppies with Mrs. J to get a buzz)
Ina Garten's recipes are perfect for easy-breezy East Hampton dinner parties AND keg parties.
Don't wear Magenta. Ever.
The difference between "STOOOORIIIES!" and "stoories = ( "

Ummm, Drewby...

2008-05-12T16:35:00.000-07:00

Could you commit to something, please?

I have, in the past month, began and read the first 2 chapters (or so) of exactly five books. All of which have been sitting on my bookshelves. I have full intention of finishing them someday. When the time is right. Maybe this summer. Yes that's right, when I'm free in the summer, and can enjoy my books. Or was that my plan for these books last summer? No, it was the summer before, and I just haven't gotten around to it. Point is, I commit to nothing and procrastinate everything.

"But they're only books, Drewby" you might say. But, you see, it's much more than that. The books are only a catalyst to a bigger problem. As time goes on, I'm slowly learning more and more about myself, and lately I've discovered I'm a completely noncommittal person. (Except of course for my vices which I have absolutely no problem committing to). Take for example my love affair with studying and playing music. For a period in my life, I could think of nothing but playing music. I ate, slept and breathed playing Chopin nocturnes and thought I would do it for the rest of my life. Fast forward seven years and now I don't touch a keyboard unless it has the alphabet printed on it. I thought I would revive my music flare with the guitar, and although I haven't given up on it, there it sits, lonely and unplayed in the corner of my living room. My Italian classes started off with a bang, but fizzled somewhere in between ...due, tre, quattro... and Quanto costa un biglietto? Oh yeah, and that workout plan I devised and the exercise regime tapped to my spare room door? I'll be working on that. Just as soon as I get my bathroom scale fixed...

All of this boils down to two of the traits I detest most about myself: procrastination tinged with a little bit of laziness (O.K. a lot of laziness sometimes). I think as another summer rolls around, I need to implement a late, or mid-year resolution: to finish what I start and commit to at least one damn thing. Who's with me?

M is for the Many Thing She Gives Me...

2008-05-11T18:18:00.000-07:00

In honor of today being Mother's Day, I'm dedicating this post to the only woman nearest and dearest to me: my mother. Always ready with a witty and unexpected inappropriate remark and pretty sound advice disguised as passing conversation, my mom has been a hugely influential part of my life, and I'm just starting to realize how much so now that I've moved out and lived on my own.

My mother is an awesome cook, and is one of those people that can make absolutely anything, and with more calories that it's supposed to have. This trait was always popular with my friends growing up, as my house was always one of the hang outs because staying for dinner was never a question. It seems all I ever do on my visits home is eat, and when I'm not eating I'm in the kitchen talking to my mom helping make the next thing I'm going to eat. This is a welcome change for me since I've moved out. Home cooked food is not a regular occourance at the Casa de Drewby.

She also could be categorized under the "can be a bit overbearing" category, however, I really do believe she has no intention of doing so. I remember moving into my dorm room my freshman year of college. I was talking to a couple guys in my doorway who would be my new neighbors. Right in the middle of the conversation my mother interrupts with an armload of my underwear and tells me she's putting "all these in the top drawer". Ok, thanks Mom. When I later told her not to unpack my things, I would do it, her feelings were genuinely hurt. However, at that stage so was my pride, and I didn't much care. Mom has mellowed considerably since then, and when I moved into a place of my own, her unpacking prowess was welcomed with open arms.

So here's to you, Mom, and all mom's. Happy Mother's Day!

Cinco de Cansado

2008-05-05T15:37:00.000-07:00

¡Feliz Cinco de mayo a Ustedes! Normally I would call for a rousing trip to the cantina to sling back some margaritas and burritos, but I'm afraid my fiesta blood is flowing a little slowly today. I had THE absolute worst night of sleep last night, and I'm not exactly sure why. I went to bed around the normal time of 11pm last night and laid awake, WIDE awake until about 4:45 am. Just in time to catch a few winks before my 5:30 wakeup call. Needless to say, I'm in no mood for parties and have become a basic walking zombie for the day. In order to feel like I somewhat celebrated the holiday today however, I treated myself to a Corona after work with a colleague (never TOO tired for beer) went and got some sushi take out (unfortunately not feeling the Mexican fare tonight) and retired almost immediately to my bed. I took a nice nap, and feel a little better now, but hope that my little bout of insomnia doesn't become habitual.

In other Cinco de mayo news, a local news station, in honor of the holiday, aired a running strip along the bottom of the screen during their early morning and late afternoon broadcasts claiming that today is "Mexico's Independence Day" and compared it to the 4th of July. As I'm sure you all know (and if you don't, you would most certainly look it up before broadcasting it on cable television) that in fact Mexico's Independence Day is NOT el cinco de mayo but rather el dieciseis de septiembre and today commemorates something quite different. Perhaps Mary Lou Rosenmeyer from Kennywood tipped them off to this bit of misinformation. Yet again, our local news source working for you! ¡Que tengan un buen y feliz cinco de mayo!

Waaaaa?

2008-05-01T18:56:00.000-07:00

I filled up my gas tank tonight to the tune of $61.08.

I think my feelings can best be summed up by Kurt Cobain:

	Nirvana - Rape me

	Found at skreemr.com

You Know You're Evolving Into A Yinzer When...

2008-04-28T16:03:00.000-07:00

You stand in your kitchen contemplating a new way to prepare your frozen pirogies. My solution: grilling on the Foreman. Do I recommend it Yinz ask? Not particularly, I still prefer boiled and slathered with butter and onions, but the Foreman will do in a pinch.

The more I live in the this area, the more I'm understanding and adapting to the Pittsburgh way, but I'm not sure I'm even close to becoming a real "Pittsburgher". I actually think this title is completely unattainable to me for several reasons: I don't particularly like or watch the Steelers, ahem "Stillers", I think ketchup is disgusting (I don't care if it IS Heinz), and I'm not all that fond of Primanti sandwiches ahem "sammitches". I do however marvel at the Pittsburgh accent and usually watch the local news to hear it in the interviews, and have noticed myself using the terms "jag-off" and "nebby" a little more than I'd really like.

My whole point of this post, actually, was to draw attention to a local commercial that seems to be running a lot lately for Isley's chipped-chopped ham. First of all, I'm not completely sold on anything with the phrase chipped-chopped, but the commercial gets me every time. At the end, a Pittsburgh local describes his love affair with the ham as "fluffy and wonderful". I'm IN! Get me to a deli ASAP. Unfortunately I'm having difficulty finding the commercial to post.

I'm Back To Celebrate Earf Day!

2008-04-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

A big and overdue apology to anyone who may have been bored enough in the past few weeks to drop by and hear what I had to say. I've been out of the blogging routine for a while, and am slowly getting back. It seems my life has been in a bit of a rut lately. Even a funk, you could say, of nothing to do and even less to say. (Not that I ever have much to say, really, but at least I usually have motivation to say it!) However, I only find it fitting to make my ceremonial rise from the ashes on Earth Day. (Yeah I'm not sure either).

How did I celebrate you ask? Well, I made sure to arrange for 4 big buses to drive an extra 40 miles out of their way today. No, really. But I did do my recycling today, AND I bought new pillows made entirely out of organic cotton and recycled plastic bottles. I originally bought them just for the sheer novelty of sleeping on plastic bottles, and not expecting them to be comfortable in the least, but as it turns out they're pretty comfy. I've been in the market for some new bed pillows for some time now. I'm quite particular about my sleeping arrangement, and have used the same two pillows for a very long time. They had just gotten to that point of optimum comfort and had molded to my body only to become unbearably lumpy almost immediately, and I haven't slept well since that point. Not only that but their fun for the Earth in a pretentious "hey look at me I buy organic" kind of way! (Which I am and I do)

I hope everyone had an enjoyably green Earth Day today, and I'll try to be a bit more consistent with my posts.

Impulse Buy Of The Day

2008-04-08T18:54:00.000-07:00

Tagged...

2008-04-07T16:09:00.000-07:00

So, I've been tagged by Jen-nay to write my six word memoir. Since I don't really have many "blogger friends", I'm only tagging two: Elisabeth and Kati.

My six word memoir:

"Thank God I think I'm funny."

The Rules:
1) Write your own six word memoir.
2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4) Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5) Don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.

A Recent Conversation...

2008-04-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

between myself and a middle aged blue collar woman peddling maple sugar candies at the Meyersdale Maple Festival.

after paying for a bag of candy:

Woman: "You probably want a bag, since I see you don't have a purse."
Me: "Yeah, I left mine in the car."
Woman: "Oh, good. Because if you did, I would have to call security and say 'Look at this guy walking around with a purse!' Just like that man who's having a baby, and all that!"
Me: "Oh, can't have any of that at the Maple Festival."
Me (to Jen-nay and Julia): "Get me the fuck out of here."
Jen-nay: "I like my maple candy with a side of homophobia."

Understand The Risks, See The Benefits

2008-04-03T18:52:00.000-07:00

I am a true creature of habit, especially in the morning. One thing different, and it has the potential to throw my entire day off. My early morning routine consists of shower, getting dressed, watching the morning news while drinking coffee. Because of my strict morning agenda, I've also noticed a few other morning routines that have totally pissed me off. And, as usual, they are minute and insignificant.

The first morning peeve is the Nelly song about the Applebottom jeans and the boots with the fur, (the name escapes me) which is played almost ritualistically at 6am every morning on the only radio station I can tune into on my shower radio. Having music in the shower seems to help me wake up, and I generally like the station, however I can almost sense the song coming before it even starts, and I have to shut off the radio before it gets to the inane chorus.

Number two is this annoying and ridiculously long Celebrex commercial. The first time I saw it several months ago, I thought it was a joke. Not only is the commercial almost 3 minutes long, it's incredibly dull and grating. I'm not sure if the lady calmly rambling about pain medication myths or the scrolling text that forms into outdoor scenes annoys me more. But what is for certain, the non-stop repetition of the same mellow guitar riff is enough to send me over the edge. I see the commercial every morning during the local news break, and I have to immediately change the channel. I usually try to pop back to the news when I think enough time has passed, but I'm generally off and end up catching the last 20 seconds of this bullshit commercial. Check it out if you're interested, but only if you've got some time to kill.

WTFTD?

2008-04-01T16:10:00.000-07:00

April Fool's Day is upon us, and to my disappointment, I neither received or pulled any good pranks again this year. Usually on April 1, I have at least a minor joke to play on someone. Usually the recipient is my mother, as today is her birthday. (My two personal favorites are the time I told her I discovered I father a child several years earlier and the time I filled her car completely with helium balloons at her work while she was working) It always shocked me that she fell for the jokes every time and never seemed to expect it. You would think that at some point, one would catch on. But alas, perhaps I'm becoming a little too grown up for my liking, or, even more likely, just become lazy or apathetic, no jokes this year.

Instead of the birthday prank for my mother, I decided to send her some flowers to her work via FTD. I had never sent flowers through FTD before, and simply assumed that the order was forwarded to the nearest FTD florist of the recipient. So, I logged on to the website, browsed for a while, and $75 later I had purchased my mother some birthday flowers (at right). Completely outrageously priced birthday flowers might I add. I was a little thrown off yesterday afternoon when I received an FTD e-mail notification telling me "my order had been shipped". When my mom called this afternoon to tell me she had gotten the flowers, and absolutely loved them (I would hope she does for the price, but really, this is the same woman who raved when I made her mud sandwiches and would put dandelions I picked in a centerpiece vase on the dining room table), but she couldn't understand why they came so elaborately packed in a box from California! I payed out the ass to have flowers shipped all the way across the country! Perhaps next time, I'll call a local florist where my mom lives.

Happy April Fool's Day Fools!

Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

5 Random Things Involved In My Day Today

2008-03-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

A pair of 1' x 1' red inflatable dice
A picture of professional golfer Nancy Lopez
A plastic pineapple
Bird poop
An eggroll

On Precocious Salad And Other Rants

2008-03-25T15:46:00.000-07:00

There are very few television shows I can honestly say that I'm "into", and usually the ones that I am into I forget are on and miss anyway. (I guess I'm just not that into Amazing Race). But one show I have found myself enthralled with is Medium on NBC. If you haven't seen or heard, the basic premise is Allison DuBois (played by Patrica Arquette) is a Medium who has visions in her dreams that help solve crimes. Doesn't really seem like a story line I'd be that into, but I am. If you can get past the surreal story line, it's a pretty good show. One of my main beefs with the series is the oldest daughter Bridgette, (Played by Maria Lark) who is about as annoying as they come. She's one of those typical child actors who acts about 10 years older than they really are, and uses words and phrases and has the sensibility of that of a middle aged woman. I have yet to figure out if that's the actress herself, the way they want the girl to be portrayed or a mixture of the two. Either way, she's got to go. I actually just voted on a poll last night on whether or not the character should be killed off or removed. Apparently I'm not the only one with the opinion. Not only is the age inappropriate acting grating, but she comes off as arrogant or pretentious. Seems like she got an extra helping of Precocious Salad.

Check out last night's episode below, which is a two parter, to be continued next Monday. (Warning: Annoying commercial before show recap begins)

Happy Easter Y'all

2008-03-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

I made it back to my place after the riveting family festivities. And as promised, the white chocolate cross made it's annual appearance. I would have a picture to share, but it seems my camera shit the bed this weekend. So I'll be in the market. Any suggestions?

Also included in my Easter holiday was my grandpa stating that "it seems 'Negroes' were born with a basketball in their hand", my great uncle from Italy showing his disgust for my Italian skills and an hour long video my grandpa made us watch on battleships of the NATO countries. I also discovered that Jen-nay's joke :"Jesus walked into a Hilton with three nails and asked 'Can you put me up for Easter?'" was not as big a hit at the dinner table as I first expected. Happy Easter.

Purmin Some Sugar On Me

2008-03-22T12:34:00.001-07:00

I decided Thursday afternoon to take a personal day leave yesterday from work, since I couldn't bear the thought of waking up another morning this week. This extra day gave me the opportunity to head home a bit early yesterday to kick off the Easter weekend festivities.

In honor of Good Friday, it's tasteless offensive joke time!!!

Q: Why did Jesus die on the cross?
A: He forgot the safe word.

In the interest of taking the road of least offensiveness and knowing when to call it quits, I'll let the joke stand on it's own.

Not to be outdone by an early Good Friday, yesterday was also Purim. Happy Belated Purim. For yin'z Gentiles that might not know, check it. According to the article, "Gaily wrapped baskets of sweets, snacks and other foodstuffs given as mishloach manot on Purim day...to friends and teachers." My gay Purim baskets must still be in the mail.

Yesterday at the folk's house was all a buzz in preparation for the festivities. I had to prepare the plastic eggs for the Easter egg hunt today (not impressed) and today was also the day of coloring eggs. Easter egg coloring has never been something I really enjoy, but usually tolerate. My father totally digs coloring eggs, for reasons yet to be discovered, and my nieces get a kick out of it. My only excitement for the whole process is opening the coloring kit boxes first and removing all stickers, shrink wraps or any other traces of a cross or the word Jesus before anyone notices. Speaking of which, another Easter tradition is the white chocolate cross everyone receives from my mother in a basket. I'll post a pic, as I'm sure I'll get one.

In other Easter news, I consumed my first whole hard boiled egg yesterday. It was alright, but I'm not sure I'd do it again. I've eaten hard cooked eggs before, but never just sat down to munch a whole one. Check that off my list.

Note: I had taken several pictures to illustrate my excitement around the house this weekend, but my camera is being a bastard. Maybe next time.

I hope everyone has a rockin' Resurrection Eve!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2008-03-17T18:17:00.001-07:00

It Rocked...a little too hard

2008-03-16T15:08:00.000-07:00

I made it back from Cleveland this morning to the tune of an incredible hangover and complete exhaustion. Which alludes to the fact that I did in fact have quite a good time in the city last night. I was a bit disappointed in the bar scene though, at least the ones we went to. Not too many people out, no real good music and no one really celebrating St. Patrick's Day. The occasional green shirt or shamrock pin made an appearance, but green beer was nowhere to be found. A real bummer. Apparently all the St. Patrick's Day festivities take place tomorrow. We did stay in an awesome hotel, which was a bit luxurious for a place to crash, but I decided to splurge. Some of the highlights of the evening include playing flip cup with a group of kids from Ohio State in a bar, ordering shots of Jamison and getting served rocks glasses filled with whiskey by mistake, and consoling a drunk woman outside because of her baby daddy drama. The museum also was quite cool and something I'm glad I saw. I think the highlights from that portion of the trip would have to be Kurt Cobain's guitar and a hand written version of "Psycho Killer" by the Talking Heads. A jam to end all jams. I hope everyone had a great time with all the goings on this weekend, and remember to wear green tomorrow (if you're horny).

	Talking Heads - Psycho Killer

	Found at skreemr.com

Cleveland Rocks! (sort of)

2008-03-13T14:44:00.000-07:00

I'm headed across the border this weekend to the luxurious destination of Cleveland Ohio (or Ohi-a) to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I'm kind of excited to go, since I've never been there before, and have heard many good things about it. It's the final part of a class on Rock and Roll and protest music I took this semester with a colleague. When we signed up for the class, we joked that we would stay and rock out afterwards in Cleveland for the weekend, but never really gave it a second thought. This week, however, another work friend of mine said he felt like road tripping with us if we were serious about staying. Since he did his undergrad in Cleveland he'd be a pretty handy travel buddy. And with that, we booked a room and set our plans to go crazy for St. Patty's Day in Cleveland, Ohi-a. I am a little bummed though since it is St. Patrick's Day weekend, and won't be able to celebrate in Pittsbugh with everyone, (even though last year I swore I would never go back to the parade).

Although I did have fun and probably will be back again next year, reasons why I didn't love the experience:

It was snowing like a bastard.
I found myself crammed in a port-a-potty with 4 men, all trying to urinate at the same time.
I was D.D. and had to sober up too early.
I man with a Mohawk and green pedal pushers on said "Yinz queer?" in all seriousness. (Oh wait, that was what made the day)
Because I was sobering up I got in a rare but brutal pissy mood.

But yes, I'd do it all over again. There's always next year.

As I was planning the final details of my weekend escape to the great state to our west this afternoon, I received two phone calls from some friends. The first was my former college roommate who wanted to chat before he left tomorrow for two weeks in Jamaica. And the other from a friend who is, as we speak, in flight to spend two weeks in France. I feel bad for them. Neither one will get to experience the exoticness that is Cleveland. And, since I have no spring break, for now it will have to do. Since I'll be out, chances are there will be no blogging this weekend (sorry NaBloPoMo), but I will make up the posts with exciting stories from the weekend to come!

Durty Nellies et al

2008-03-12T18:36:00.000-07:00

Eat your heart out Jen-nay, I made my own Guamalee yesterday. (Please note the intentional placement of durty nellies just for you). As I was browsing the produce section of the grocery store yesterday (which is my favorite part of grocery shopping) I decided to make guacamole on a complete whim. And I must say, it turned out flawless.

In other food news, my flour tortilla package recommends that if you have children who are partiularly picky eaters, you should try this delicious recipie: "Hot Corned Beef Roll-Ups with lettuce and spicy dressing". What planet did the marketing staff and kitchen gurus at Azteca flour tortilla company come from? That, to me, sounds like the most ridiculous item to make for a picky eater. No thanks Azteca.

I'm also waiting with baited breath for the season premier of Top Chef on Bravo. As the countdown on the right hand corner of my screen winds down, Bravo is re-airing the season finale of Project Runway, which is a show I mistakenly got sucked into. Mainly because they show re-runs of it constantly and I always stop when there is nothing else on. I guess you could call it one of my guilty pleasures. I secretly love it when Heidi Klum says "Auf Wiedersehen". I did, however, find the winner Christian incredibly annoying. Just a little too flamboyant and over the top for me (can you believe it?).

For Some Reason This Commercial Really Creeps Me Out

2008-03-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

The Best Dilvery Of News Ever

2008-03-11T16:43:00.000-07:00

I'll give you the conversation first, and let you guess the news.
I agree to meet a friend from work at a bar this afternoon. He approaches the bar:

Me: "Where the hell have you been? I'm half drunk already."
Friend: "Ok, you wanna kick me in the nuts?"
Me: "No fucking shit! Congratulations!"

Give up? That's how he told me he and his wife are having a baby. I love how normally when that news is broken it's exciting and emotional, but somehow most things with me seem to lack a certain class and social standard. I also wish there were no background to that story, and that was the typical way to tell friends you're expecting. But, as the story goes, when he told me a while back that he and his wife were thinking about having a kid, I blankly said the day he tells me he is having a child I will inflict said pain onto him because that means it would be the beginning of the end. In all actuality, I'm quite happy for him, and I didn't kick him, but it got me to thinking today, "Why am I so anti-baby?"

I don't hate children, I don't even hate babies. I do, however, get annoyed when they're whining, crying or running around their upstairs apartment like a maniac while their neighbor below is attempting to relax and do some blogging while trying his absolute hardest not to flip shit and start screaming through the ceiling, but I wouldn't say I hate them. I also know that at the end of the day, kids are going home to their families, and I'm going home to my quiet and relaxing place, devoid of all Pack and Plays and Hannah Montana dvds.

I've never really wanted children, and the older I get the stronger my convictions become about raising a child. As I've said before, I spend my entire day with other people's kids, why would I want to come home to my own. "But you'll feel differently once you have one" seems to be a popular rebuttal. Excuse me, did you just hear what I said? I said I'm not having one. I don't doubt that you do feel differently about a child once you have one, because you have one. I don't necessarily feel like I needed the Reese's peanut butter egg I just ate, but I felt differently because I had one sitting on my counter.

I don't mean to sound cynical against people who want to have children. In fact, I have had several fleeting thoughts of fatherhood. Some that have downright freaked me out. But they have been just that, fleeting. Perhaps it's my age and the fact that I'm not close to settling down just yet, but I've always felt that I want to live my life as my own, and not be responsible for anyone else. I'm a bit too selfish at this stage in the game to be worried about anyone else. And I swear to God if they don't quit running upstairs I'm going to loose my shit.

I Balanced My Checkbook To Sinead O'Connor Tonight

2008-03-10T16:35:00.000-07:00

Sounds like a punchline, but it's true.
I apologize (mostly to myself) for not keeping to the NaBloPoMo contract and skipping out this weekend. My weekend was a bit of a blur, and didn't have much time for NaBloPoMo-ing. So, is it possible to make-up the posts just by having 31 posts in 31 days? I think so. Not that my posts are really all that worth-while, but I'd like to say I completed something.

So I had made plans to visit my family up north again this weekend, since my last weekend's plans to do so were botched because of the weather. Come about 3pm Friday and I'm ready to roll. Except my mother called and said the entire family was sick and the weather was bad, so don't come. Ok, thanks Mom. Operation Visit Fam. Attempt #2: Mission aborted. Then, around noon Saturday, right in the middle of my hang-over ritual of tepid coffee and The Food Network, she calls again telling me that miraculously everyone is better and the roads are clear, and I should try to come home. So I ran around like a mad man and made the trip home. In the midst of packing I forgot to pack my computer, thus no blogging this weekend. My trip was rather uneventful, but relaxing. I wish I would have had more time to visit some people, but alas, I had to return to the grind today. FYI, this is a picture I caught of my 5 year old niece trying to meditate. I absolutely love it, and will serve as my Manic Monday post this week.

In other mundane news, I picked up my taxes which I had prepared last week. Thanks Uncle Sam, $800 to blow! I actually think the majority of it is going towards my credit card debt, which is a totally lame and uncool way to spend it, but it needs to be done.

Things That Pissed Me Off Today

2008-03-06T18:30:00.000-08:00

It seems that I use this blog more to bitch than anything else. Some people may argue that bitching is one thing I have perfected. However, I try not to consider myself a negative person. That being said, here's my bitching for the day.

This afternoon one of my students approached me in the hall to ask me his score on a test they had taken first thing this morning. I have a good rapport with this kid, even though he can be kind of a pain sometimes. When I said I hadn't yet had a chance to look them over, he told me that I was lazy and should have them done. Albeit in a joking tone (I think) the comment pissed me off for two, or more, reasons. Firstly, I always try, and usually do, to get tests and assignments returned the next day. Nothing pissed me off more when I was in school than teachers that sat on tests and projects for months before grading. Second, and most importantly, I can not believe a teenager has the gall to speak to a teacher like that. I may sound old here, but I NEVER would have said something like that to one of my teachers, even in jest and I knew they could take a joke. I just blew the comment off today, since I know the kid's personality and his humor is quite a bit like mine; dry and sarcastic, but I still am a bit shocked.
I picked up my car from the garage this afternoon, which is an entire day later than the day it was supposed to be ready. Today is the first I've had my car since Monday evening. I never realized how dependent I am on my vehicle. Bumming rides to work from colleagues was getting pretty old. As if being without a car for the week wasn't bad enough, my little trip to the garage cost me a little over $1500. Not something I had in my budget.
The kid I tutor informed me he had the flu all week and felt like shit, but his mom was making him do tutoring tonight. Ok, thanks. After about 45 minutes of trying to get this kid into his work in vain, I gave up and called it an early night. I wanted to get out of there not totally because he was sick, but mostly because someone in his house was BLARING a CD of various renditions of "Oh Danny Boy". On the bright side it did get me into the St. Patty's mood a little early.
I dropped and broke my favorite ash tray for about the 4th time tonight. This thing has been through a lot, and I've had it for years. I've broken it and super glued it so many times, but I refuse to throw it away. It's a white ceramic ashtray with a drawing of Jesus smoking a joint wearing aviator sunglasses and a T-shirt that reads "My Dad Created the Universe and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt". A timeless heirloom.

Incase You've Missed Them...

2008-03-05T17:55:00.000-08:00

What I Found Out My Car Needs Before It Passes Inspection Today

2008-03-04T14:56:00.000-08:00

New front bearings.
New rear brakes.
New rear brake shoes.
New emergency brake.
New front axle.

Total cost before labor and taxes: approximately $1,400.

Have a nice day.

Manic Monday

2008-03-03T12:51:00.001-08:00

A Quick Rundown Of The Weekend

2008-03-02T10:51:00.000-08:00

I watched the bartender breathe fire last night as I drank my "Flaming Dr. Pepper". Both were a sublime experience.
A girl asked me for a condom at the bar last night. I bashfully told her I didn't have one on me, to which she replied, "You look like you'd use them all the time". Ok, thanks. ( I think) And to that I said "I don't use them period. It just feels better without."
In order to not to have a complete claustrophobic panic attack at the tiny packed bar, Dee and I became the only bad asses bump and grind dancing in the entire place. Yeah, we looked like assholes, but at that point in the night, who cares?
I was offered a challenge at Denny's at 3 a.m. that if I could order the "Lumberjack Slam" with a straight face it would be free. Offer extended, offer rejected.
Dee found a piece of raw meat, about a half an inch big in her "Everything Omelette" this morning. Raw meat in breakfast = comped food and free muffins.
A nice quiet hang-over breakfast directly next to a table of two families with a whopping total of 8, yes count them EIGHT, children all under the age of 4 is not as fun as it sounds. At the end of their meal, one youngster's diaper was leaking so badly he made a puddle on the chair. Nice.
It took me well over an hour to pick up a few groceries this morning. Silly me, I forgot about the church rush at Wal-Mart.

How was Yinz's weekend?

Challenge Extended...

2008-03-01T12:14:00.000-08:00

As per inspiration by Jen-nay's commitment to NaBloPoMo, I too will try to post 31 posts in 31 days. Since the theme of the month is lists, I will try to use that as the springboard. Mostly because I frequently lack blog post theme inspiration. To kick it off, the first post of the new month will be:...................................................

Why February 2008 Sucked and Rocked

February always sucks. No offense to any February lovers or Aquariuses, but the shortest month always seems to be the suckiest. It also doesn't help that the most repulsive holiday falls directly in the middle. (And no, I'm not just bitter because I didn't have a Valentine this year. Other years when I've been in perfectly healthy dysfunctional relationships, I've also hated it.) My fondest Valentine's memory was when a friend from high school and I made black heart Valentines that said "Fuck You" on them, and hand delivered them to unsuspecting recipients.
The snow and in climate weather allowed me to sleep past 5:30 a.m. a total of 6 times all month. As I've said before on here, my job is one of the few that allows me to be lazy on snowy and cold days, and I took full advantage this month. It also lulls me into being awkwardly adverse to doing anything that involves leaving my house.
My neighbors above me have just gotten louder.
My job seemed to get better last month. For some reason, although the month lasted about 28 days too long, I really felt on top of my game most of the month at work.
It was leap year. I hate leap year. Don't ask me why, I just find it incredibly annoying.
I started taking classes, finally. Both Italian and Rock and Roll history classes that both rock in their own quirky ways.

And that is all I have time for now, stay tuned for tomorrow's NaBloPoMo list!

5 Things Living In My Aparment Besides Me (Sorry, No Death Defying Mice)

2008-02-28T14:56:00.000-08:00

Oh I Love Him!

2008-02-24T17:36:00.000-08:00

Ummm Tigger, your Vegas is showing.

2 Strange Encounters Of The Day

2008-02-24T15:51:00.000-08:00

This morning, while on my way out to the store, a boy who lives next door was out playing in the snow by my car. I said "Hey Buddy, what are you making?" thinking it would be nice to make some small talk with the kid. Instead of a response, he looked at me with fear in his eyes, gasped and ran into his house. It reminded me of the reaction of Macaulay Culkin in "Home Alone" when he first meets the scary old man. I don't think I'm old or scary, and am still puzzled by the reaction.

Strange encounter #2. This evening while on my porch for a smoke, a man pulls up in a really nice BMW convertible, gets out and says "Hey Paul! How you doing?" Response: "Sorry, I'm not Paul". The man apologizes, then gets a small dog out of the car, and sets it on the ground. The man then starts speaking to the dog in "baby-talk" and makes a series of long weird beeping sounds. I politely finished my cigarette early and locked the door.

I just finished searching ads for other places to live.

On an up note, I'm awaiting the arrival of the Jackons for some dinner and hijinx no doubt. I've also been scouring the internet for a last minute deal to just about anywhere. A colleague booked a weekend flight to Europe several weeks ago for next to nothing right at the last minute. I'm so ready to pick up and leave I was looking for flights that leave tomorrow morning. No luck, but I'll still be looking. Perhaps my next post will come to you from the beach.

Finally A Song As Neurotic And Trippy As I

2008-02-21T18:45:00.000-08:00

The genius that is Radiohead provides us with this week's 90s rock installment of Grungy Thursdays. I'm still trying to figure out the symbolism of the video though. Ambition does make you look pretty ugly.

Happy Birthday Meg!

2008-02-19T18:27:00.001-08:00

Today my niece Meg (who does not read the blog) turns 4.

I'm feeling a bit guilty I did not make it home for her birthday, so somehow a blog shout-out might make up for it.

5 Words I Consistently Misspell

2008-02-19T18:19:00.000-08:00

Definately
Business
Probably
Continuously
Practically

Manic Monday

2008-02-18T18:38:00.000-08:00

Freek A Leek

2008-02-17T08:23:00.000-08:00

A brief run-down of the weekend that was.

I discovered very quickly this weekend, that I can not, in fact, out drink my parents.
I also learned the phrase "Fuckle-Up and Drive Safely" will undoubtedly make my aunt laugh every time.
I decided this morning to make some vegetable soup. Yeah, I'm not so sure why either. I am cooking with leeks for the first time ever. They looked fun at the grocery store yesterday. Some people impulse buy Kit-Kats. I buy produce.
I'm trying to justify why I buy a Sunday paper every weekend, because I never read it thoroughly. I don't even clip the coupons. I think I just want the people at the store to think I'm reading it when I buy it.
Yesterday I bought a cashmere sweater for $8. Quite possibly the bargain of the month.
This morning, I was awakened by a man in another apartment shrieking. I'm not sure whether to be alarmed, intrigued or concerned. One thing I am sure about though, is that I need to move.
One more thing I learned: a shot of Crown Royal and sweet lime juice is actually not as bad as it sounds.
I have been burning Nag Champa Gold incense and playing Radiohead CDs practically the entire time I've been in my apartment this weekend. I'm either becoming Indie on the outside, or an emo-stoner. I can't decide which is better.

Check Out The Mop On Corgan!

2008-02-14T18:38:00.000-08:00

Here's one of my favorites from the 90's rock file for you to enjoy on Valentine's Day. Yeah, fuck Valentine's Day, but enjoy the song: "Rhinoceros"

The Return Of The Good Samaritan

2008-02-13T13:34:00.000-08:00

Since I had no work again today, I decided that take the opportunity to run some random errands I have been putting off lately. I didn't leave my place at all yesterday, therefore, quite a bit of snow had accumulated on my car. After about 15 minutes of brushing and huffing, I decided to brush off my elderly neighbor's car, who obviously hadn't left home in a while either, while mine warmed up. Nice guy move #1. Later on, I went to the ever-dreaded Wal-Mart to get some random things, including a DVD my niece had asked me for for her birthday. When I got in the car, I had realized the cashier didn't charge me for the movie. In light of my recent run-in with the local police, I decided to go back in and bring the mistake to their attention. Something I definitely wouldn't have done had I not been paranoid about being a criminal lately. Nice guy move #2. Upon leaving the store a second time, a former student of mine told me I looked "Fly in a baseball hat". Ok, thanks. His mother also thanked me in a short conversation for being a positive adult influence in his life. Nice guy sort-of-move #3.

Not-so-nice guy move #1 today: I didn't call the person under me on the snow cancellation phone chain this morning because I didn't want to get out of bed.

Not-so-nice guy move #2: I went to Sheetz for gas today, and scornfully scanned all the workers in case they were the one to inaccurately call in my plate numbers.

When I got home today, I decided to finish cleaning the rest of my place, and cleaned the bathrooms and re-organized my closet. I also wanted to re-organize my sweaters. When I hauled them all out I almost threw up at the number of them I own. I think it's high time for a clothing clean out.

5 Things That I Would Be Uncomfortable Without

2008-02-13T07:23:00.000-08:00

Simplify

2008-02-12T16:29:00.000-08:00

Since I have one of the few jobs that permits me to stay home and cozy when the weather is bad, I decided to make my day off today a productive one and do a little cleaning. Nothing major, just some tidying, which I wanted to do this week anyway because my parents are coming down for a visit on Friday, and I hate to have them come to a dirty place. As I began cleaning I was overwhelmed with the sheer amount of stuff I have in my apartment. I am, and always have been, a pack rat, which is one characteristic about myself of which I'm beginning to get quite annoyed. Perhaps "Pack Rat" isn't the most accurate description, since I like to have things tidy and everything does have it's place, but more "Collector of Shit". (However, according to this survey, I'm a "Pack Rat in Training".) I have always had way more stuff than I need, and my living spaces have usually looked more like a TGI Friday's than a home. In my modest apartment, for example, I have 9 clocks, 3 different sets of drinking classes, 2 sets of coasters, 10 lamps, tons of books and countless knick-knacks all over the place. My problem is that I don't know when to quit buying shit or get rid of old things I don't particularly like anymore. Under the futon in my spare room is packed with framed pictures and art that I just don't have wall space for or don't like anymore. But I refuse to get rid of them. Most of the items collecting dust somewhere around here I won't get rid of either because I do genuinely like them, even if there is no space for them, or they have some sort of sentimental attachment which prevents me from throwing them away. I do have to say that I love my place and the decor of each room, but at times it gets overwhelming to think about the massive amounts of things I have to pack up if and when I ever move. To the naked eye my place looks neat and not so bad, but open any drawer of closet door, and you have to protect your eyes from projectiles flying out because they are so jammed full. A friend once told me her mantra in life was "Simplify", simplify your life from things, people and situations you don't need. I love this idea, and am going to try to practice that with my collection of accouterments, just as soon as I can bear to give one of them up.

Manic Monday

2008-02-11T19:04:00.001-08:00

Mundane Musings

2008-02-10T17:47:00.001-08:00

The weekend has come to a close, and it's time to face the reality again of another work week. For me, however, there is a bright spot. Since it's so god dammed cold outside, I have already been informed my school is on a two hour delay. There is nothing like sleeping in an extra couple hours in the morning. Even just a half an hour gives me an extra jump on my day. On that note, my progression alarm clock of which I blogged earlier is working pretty well. The problem is that the alarm at the end of the cycle is usually what wakes me up and not the light, sounds and scents. So, I've been jolted up lately just as with my $2.99 Wal-Mart alarm clock. But, at least the alarm itself is more pleasant than the average.
I bought some pop at the grocery store this afternoon. As a habit I don't drink much pop (or "soda" if you're one of those), but I do like to have some on hand in case I get the craving. Every time I buy the handy "fridge pack" 12-pack that doubles as a can holder in the refrigerator, I can NEVER get it to open properly to hold the cans in the way it was designed. It always rips, and usually royally pisses me off. Does this happen to anyone else, or am I just incompetent?

I broke my favorite coffee mug yesterday for the 3rd time. I'm pretty sure it's time to just let it go and throw it out this time and not try to super glue it again, but I hate to see it go. Is it sad I'm attached to an old drinking vessel?

Have a good Monday!

My Week As A Common Criminal

2008-02-09T07:21:00.000-08:00

The latter half of this week has been a tumultuous one, dear readers. The beginning of the week seemed like any other. Mundane, trying and and I found myself vying for Friday. Flash-forward to Wednesday 6:40 am. Just like any other Hump Day, I grabbed my coat and coffee and trudged to my car in the cold. I began driving out of my housing plan when, to my surprise two local police cars began flashing their lights to pull me over. Knowing that it couldn't have been for speeding, my initial reaction was "WTF?!". Two police officers proceeded to shine their flashlights all through my vehicle, and tell me that my car matched a description of one that drove away with approximately $40 worth of gas last week at a local gas station. Knowing that it wasn't me, but too shocked/scared to defend myself my only reply was "OK". With that he took my license and registration and went back to the squad car to run my plates. "Your plate numbers seem to match" when he came back, "it's no coincidence". Enter extreme panic and me shitting my pants. The officer instructed me to stop by the station on Friday evening for some questioning, and sent me on my way. OK, thanks. So I spent three entire days stewing and stressing convinced that I was going to jail for something I couldn't possibly have done! I scrambled to find every gas receipt for the past 12 months and tried to retrace my steps in the past month.
I did go last night to meet with the officer, and sure enough he had a picture of my car at the gas station with my license plate number the gas attendant gave him. Luckily, I had a receipt of payment for that date and time, which proved this was some horrid mistake. I was hugely relieved, but it doesn't change the fact that I was shitting my pants for three days solid over this. Moral to the story, save all receipts and always pay for your gas. I think some celebratory partying is in store this weekend since I'm so relieved none of my friends had to bake me a cake with a file in it this week.

My 100th Post!

2008-02-04T19:29:00.000-08:00

Thanks for tuning in 100 times to share in my rants and babble!

Manic Monday

2008-02-04T19:19:00.000-08:00

Which do I like better, Hollister or Abercrombie & Fitch?

Never Have I Ever...

2008-02-03T14:54:00.000-08:00

Stayed at someone's place as a guest for two weeks and invited people over for the Super Bowl that that person doesn't know. Or ask.

The complete story to follow.

I Have A Crush With Eyeliner

2008-01-31T19:41:00.000-08:00

Michael Stipe said it best: "She's a sad tomato". Enjoy this installment of grunge.

Buon Pomeriggio!

2008-01-30T16:48:00.001-08:00

Day One of Italian class is complete, and I think it's going to be a success! The class is full of middle aged wealthy people who "Want to learn a few phrases" before their vacations to Tuscany, but I think it will be a good time. There is, as in every class anywhere, the one student I absolutely can not stand who seems to think she knows everything and is much smarter than every person in the room. My favorite moment was when she tried to translate something the teacher said out loud to show off and was wrong. Completely wrong. I couldn't help but giggle like a kid. My friend who is taking the class with me and I have already decided that we are going to be the "bad kids" of the class, and it didn't help that we went for a margarita (or two) beforehand.

I got on Amazon tonight to buy a workbook for the class, and ended up spending 100 bucks impulsively on books I probably don't need. No, definitely don't need. I'm most excited for "Fuck This Book", a collection of photos of signs vandalized with the word "Fuck", and I also bought another book from Post Secret. Jen-nay turned me on to the website/blog and I instantly loved it. I've decided I'm going to start my own collection of the books.

I have more stories to post about a current temporary roommate but don't have the time/energy to post now. Stay tuned.

Manic Monday

2008-01-27T11:51:00.000-08:00

Tales From The Crypt

2008-01-26T07:56:00.000-08:00

Well, I've made the voyage back to my parents house to visit for the weekend, and in my 15 short hours at home it's already been quite an interesting experience. Last night when I arrived, my parents and I decided to go to dinner to this small restaurant close to their house. I have always liked going to this place and the food is very good. It used to be a speakeasy during prohibition and the decor of the place has changed very little since then. (literally) When we got there, around 8 or so, the bar area was already full with the local drunks, which is always a highlight for me. Halfway through dinner my dad started to regale me with stories of his drinking days with "Birdman", a shifty looking man halfway sitting on his stool. And how he and "Birdman" and "Smoker" and "Chunky" used to come to that very bar well before their legal drinking age. (Which, coincidentally, I too can remember imbibing at this bar before my legal age). Then a man named "PeeWee" bought our table a round of drinks, and no one really seemed to know who "PeeWee" was. Ok, thanks for the beer PW!
At some point after arriving home my whole family feel asleep in front of the TV, and I woke up to a Marlon Brando movie at midnight.
Flash forward to this morning. My grandpa and I went out for breakfast at the town's one and only restaurant. The place is always filled with locals for breakfast, usually my grandpas age. Mixed in with our conversation I couldn't help but overhear other table's conversations which included topics such as how a black Muslim or a woman would never be good enough to run our country, the obscene number of abortions that happen and what needs to be done to stop it, and how the cold is really "doin' a number" on the local farms and cows. NOW I remember why I wanted to move far, far away. I also had the opportunity to listen to a conversation between the man who used to drive the bookmobile when I was en elementary school and his friend about flat chested women. Oh, and I forgot I had to park my car (with anti-republican propaganda bumper stickers) in between a large truck with a gun-rack and bumper sticker that said "I am the NRA and I support the President and the troops" and a small pick-up with a "G.W. Bush again in 2008" bumper sticker. Um, I'm getting the hell out of here. Now, I must say although the majority of my morning had to deal with hickish rightwinger bullshit, it's not usually the case the entire time. I guess it was just my lucky day.

My Body, My Choice.

2008-01-22T14:33:00.000-08:00

Today is the the 35th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, making abortion legal. Although not a huge fan of killing babies, I do like personal rights and am, therefore, an evil "Pro-choicer". Today would have been a good day for Jen-nay and I to make our tour downtown to harass the pro-lifers with their toddler children holding signs with pictures of abortions on a busy street. (Which shows complete concern for the welfare of children) Let's keep in mind that this important court decision represents more than just abortion rights, and let's vote out the bastards who want to change it. Happy R. v. Wade Day!

Manic Monday (Un Jour Enretard)

2008-01-22T14:24:00.000-08:00

Silence Is Golden

2008-01-14T18:45:00.001-08:00

As of the beginning of the year, a young couple with a two year old daughter moved into the apartment above me. They have not stopped jumping up and down and slamming cupboards all night, and their daughter has been running back and forth in the living room for one and a half solid hours. If it doesn't stop in fifteen minutes, I'm going up there.

Manic Monday

2008-01-14T18:39:00.001-08:00

Stuff

2008-01-14T15:47:00.000-08:00

This week began my second week in a series of 25 full 5-day weeks at work with no break. As most of the people in the working world go "big fucking deal" , it is to me, and I'm wondering just how it is I plan on staying sane throughout the upcoming weeks. Although I love my job, and recently switched from French to Spanish, I foresee several "mental health days" creeping into my schedule. I hate to complain, since I do get almost three months off a year, but a few long weekends here and there would be nice.

As I was flipping through the channels this afternoon, I happened upon the Jerry Springer Show which bore the title "Pregnant Gals & Mimes". My first reaction was "how does this show stay on the air?" Then I realized it's because it has shows with titles like "Pregnant Gals & Mimes".
I've been working through my stack of books that I've taken upon myself to consider required reading. I like to try to consider my self quasi-cultured and somewhat well read (although I'm not at all). I've worked through "Siddhartha" and my biography of Che Guevara, as well as "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac which I picked up back in October almost out of obligation because everywhere I turned it was praised because of it's 50th anniversary release and I'd never even considered reading it. My next endeavors are "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand (recommended to me by Mikey and also, strangely enough, my mother) "Hunger" by Knut Hamsum and "End of the Night" and "Death on the Installment Plan" by Louis-Ferdinand Celine. This reading list will, of course, take me an unreasonable amount of time to finish since I prefer to pick up my copy of "I Am America and So Are You" by Stephen Colbert or The Onion's "Our Big Dumb World". Both of which I personally consider required reading also.
A big HOLLA to Julia for getting a job before she even graduated from school! Congratulations!
I enrolled today for beginning Italian classes at my local community college campus. It was a total impulse decision, but I'm completely psyched about it. I've always wanted to learn Italian, and I figured "hey, what the hell". I also am going to sign up for some classes through my district's IU which seem pretty cool. One is the history of music, which includes a trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and another about the history of Pittsburgh's South Side which includes a trip to there as well. Should be interesting, I'll keep you posted.
I saw a bumper sticker on my way home from work today that read "Hunt With Your Kids Not For Them". This puzzled me and made me wonder when exactly Kid Season is and what kind of permit you need for such hunting. This sticker rivals "Charlton Heston is MY President" as favorite bumper sticker ever.

There's just a quick run-down of some goings on in my life. Stay tuned for more!

Manic Monday

2008-01-06T18:10:00.000-08:00

Update

2008-01-03T19:10:00.001-08:00

My new progression alarm clock seems to be working great so far. It's been putting me in a half-way decent mood first thing in the morning since I'm not jolted awake by an annoying buzzer. Instead I've been waking up the the sounds of birds chirping and the smell of "Calm and Stress Relief" aroma therapy. Much better than hitting the snooze alarm after the beep.

She Don't Use Jelly

2008-01-02T16:21:00.000-08:00

It's that time again. More 90's rock. This jam comes from the Flaming Lips. Enjoy!

Ahh So Soothing

2008-01-02T16:03:00.000-08:00

As promised, here is a picture (which is a good candidate for a 'food and finger' picture) of the maiden use of one of my gifts from Jen-nay and Julia;
a lettuce knife (along with some other fun kitchen gadgets and a nice cookbook). I used it this evening to make a semi-homemade meal of lettuce wraps and brown rice with beans.
I found a lettuce wrap filling in the organic section of my grocery store, and decided it try it out. It was quite yum-mo and sort of like the coveted "Soothing Lettuce Wraps" from P.F. Changs! Happy New Year, by the way, to all my readers!

Hey, Thanks For The Shitty Gift! Now Where's My $10?

2007-12-29T18:20:00.000-08:00

My final family Christmas party just wrapped up a few hours ago which for me marks the official end of the Christmas Season. (About God dammed time. sorry Jesus). The Christmas gathering with my father's side of the family is always an interesting one and usually pretty entertaining considering that, unlike my mother's side of the family, there are people close to my age, people who drink and people who have a generally hysterical sense of humor. One of the traditions for this family is to do a "Dirty Santa" gift exchange where everyone brings a $10 gift, puts it in the center and draws numbers to see who picks the gifts first. When this tradition started the gifts were tame, but as the years progressed the gifts got funnier and raunchier. I rememberer one year in particular when I got a can of SPAM, soap on a rope and a pack of Kool cigarettes. Apparently this year however, most people decided that it was time for nice (or at least decent) gifts instead of the traditional tacky gags. This would be fine, IF SOMEONE TOLD ME. I opened my gift, a 6-pack of Yeungling beer and a box of chocolates. Pretty nice. Someone opened my gift, a life-sized plastic hand with a tube connected to a squeeze pump. Squeeze the pump and the middle finger on the hand shoots up. Oh, and there's a suction cup on the bottom to "attach to car windows" (so says the package). To me, that's funny. To someone expecting a $10 gas card, not funny. The only solace I can take is that my aunt and father both bought delightfully tacky gifts also, so at least I wasn't the only one. Next year I'm just putting 10 bucks in a card and saying "To hell with it".

Ok, Thanks!

2007-12-27T08:48:00.001-08:00

Well, it's been here and passed already. Christmas is over, and if you're anything like me, you're left shaking your head with a Christmas hangover wondering what the hell just happened. It's such a "joyful" time of year, and fun to prepare for, but it seems so fleeting you almost don't get a chance to really enjoy it.
My Christmas was very nice, and even though it was a whirlwind, it was at the same time relaxing. Christmas morning was the traditional opening of gifts at my parents house with my sister and her family. My parents, as usual went way overboard, but I ended up getting some really cool things. My "it" gift this year is a very cool progressive alarm clock from my parents. This clock, instead of the typical beeping alarm that makes you want to throw it through your bedroom wall, emits a soft light one half hour before your set time to wake up, and gradually gets brighter throughout the thirty minutes, simulating the sunrise. While this happens, it releases aromatherapy scents that you choose as well as softly plays one of six relaxing sounds, such as the ocean, a thunderstorm, nighttime crickets or a stream in the woods. This happens for 30 minutes before your set time to wake up, each of the sense stimulators gradually gets stronger throughout this time. I've tried it the past two mornings, and it's woken me up about 15 minutes before I wanted to get up. Which, under normal circumstances would piss me off like crazy, but it's such a relaxing and invigorating feeling. I am, however, a bit apprehensive to use it when I really have to get up for work next week. I'll keep you updated on it's effectiveness.
I hope everyone had an awesome holiday. What was everyone's "it" gift this year?

A Festivus For The Rest Of Us

2007-12-23T06:24:00.000-08:00

It's already that time of year, and somehow it always seems that I'm taken completely by surprise that it's Christmas. I'm heading up to visit my family for a week today and still can't believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I have, however, made my place look a bit festive for the holidays. Even though I am vehemently against the commercial and religious ideals of the holiday, I seem to fall into the cycle every year for the sake of tradition. Plus I do like having a Christmas tree and decorations around my place. It makes it feel a bit more homey and comfortable. I believe this impulse for Christmas decorations comes to me also from my parents, who always have the most lavish and beautiful Christmas decorations up for at least two months. My mother, who has mellowed considerably over the past few years, has always been unreasonably picky about her Christmas trees. Although they are always very beautiful, my father, sister and I were never really allowed to touch the tree or help decorate, and if we did, it was always under her strict supervision. The family tree, usually a concolor fir that smells like oranges, is typically loaded with clear lights and covered in crystals which makes it look like it's dripping with ice. Very pretty and show stopping no doubt, but not child friendly nor practical. To this end, we usually had a second tree in the other room which my sister and I could decorate anyway we wanted. Usually with tinsel, colored lights and old-school ornaments. My own tree at my place is just as delightfully tacky and pretty much suits me. It's a hodgepodge of representative ornaments, with the underlying theme or chili peppers. Most of the ornaments have a Latin American or Spanish theme, from the glass mariachi band, to the chilipeppers with faces saying "Feliz Navidad". It also has colored chili pepper lights, with the tree topper a large bunch of chilis. The newest addition this year is the bubble lights, which I was quite excited about. Also around my place I've put up my nutcrackers which are a mariachi band member and a bull fighter, my two favorite Christmas decorations, as well as wreaths made of old book pages, a different twist on Christmas decos. What are some of your holiday decorating traditions? Even though in a week it will be time to take it all down, it's nice to have your home feel festive for a little while.

Get Your Learn On!

2007-12-19T17:35:00.000-08:00

Today, one of my students gave me a CD he said he particularly liked, and thought I would enjoy it also because some of their songs are in French. I don't really know this kid very well, because my class just began two weeks ago, but he's seems like the kind of person I would take music advice from. (even if he is some 12 years younger than me). And I was right. The disc is "Emperor Tomato Ketchup" by Stereolab, a band I have never heard of before, which possibly makes me really uncool. They've been called "one of the most fiercely independent and original groups of the nineties" and have a pretty extensive article on Wikipedia. The band, made up of both English and French members, has a mellow yet upbeat quasi-techno sound that I really like, and about 5 of the 13 songs on this particular album are in French. I think my favorite song is "Metronomic Underground", which I can't find a good version to share here, but look it up if you get a chance.

I can't believe I've never heard of them before, and it took a teenager to open my eyes to them. But, I'm glad he did, it's definitely some good and different jamming music.

5 Sounds That Soothe Me

2007-12-17T19:15:00.000-08:00

a running humidifier
pen writing on paper
wooden wind chimes
fire crackling
silent snowy nights

Manic Monday

2007-12-17T19:13:00.001-08:00

Yin'z Want Some Guac?

2007-12-12T13:28:00.000-08:00

It looks like Rick Sebak will have some new Kennywood memories to rant about on the next PBS special. Complete with serapes and maracas. Oh wait, those are Mexican not Spanish. I'm just trying to be silly. In case you haven't heard, Kennywood is being bought by a Madrid-based company called "Parques Reunidos". And, according to the news, this company buys and owns amusement parks all over the world. Being a Pittsburgh implant, I've never really shared the nostalgic passion for Kennywood as many of my cohorts do. Yeah, the Racer's cool, Potato Patch fries...whatever, Noah's Ark...creepy. I've actually only ever been there a handful of times, but every time I've gone, it's been enjoyable. So, I can see why some people who grew up with "Kennywood Memories" might be a bit miffed by the sellout. However on Channel 4 news yesterday afternoon, Mary Lou Rosemeyer, spokesperson for the park, set all the Yinzers at ease (or at least the racist ones) when she assured Pittsburgh that they do not expect big changes in the park. No they do not expect it "to become a giant taco stand", end quote. Thanks for the careless and stereotypical comment Mar! Well, it would be stereotypical if tacos were Spanish. I think the comment might have been a little snappier, maybe even laughable had it been a paella (or pie-ella) stand. Or even a tapas bar. But a taco stand? I'm sorry Mary, I thought you were in public relations. I thought it was your job to speak to the public. Oh, it is? Get a new job. In her defense, she apologized later that day, and claimed it was meant to be a silly and lighthearted comment. Which, I don't doubt it was meant to be. However, it was careless AND stupid. I mean, if you're going to make a mildly offensive ethnic joke on public television, at least get the punch line right.

TV And Sex Go Hand In Hand

2007-12-11T15:18:00.001-08:00

My internet is finally fully functional again! I seem to have a problem with "the router staying connected to the internet" so sayeth the tech guy. Well, yeah, I get that. I'm not THAT big of a moron. But how do I KEEP it connected. Well, when this happened for the 4th time, I gave the old ISP techies a call as soon as I got home. He instructed me to type in a few commands, unplug a few things and recite the Greek alphabet backwards while logging on the the internet. I was just planning on a service request, so I hadn't yet turned my computer on for the day. When I did, while I was on the phone with the guy, for some reason, my internet magically connected and I momentarily felt like the world's biggest douche bag. This fellow, however, was quite nice to me and was very helpful. Unlike previous experiences with such people. I've been pretty fed up with this service provider, also the same one who provides the cable, because they have a complete monopoly over all the media connections in my apartment complex. I am unable to get, say Verizon or Adelphia for example. I MUST go with this small company. Which would be fine (especially because I doubt their tech guys would be willing to come out so often every time I can't find the "ON" button of my computer) except for the fact that they only provide basic cable, with no guide channel. This has chapped my ass for quite a while, because I pay a pretty good penny for basic, shitty cable. I know this sounds like a petty complaint, but I'm single, lazy and need digital recording, dammit. Since digital is out the questions for now, I decided to upgrade my package to include HBO and Showtime yesterday while on the phone. A complete impulse purchase, and one that I have never afforded myself before, and I'm not quite sure why. I simply can't wait to watch all the series and movies now that everyone talks about, and looks at me like an alien when I say I've never seen.

On an unrelated note. I heard a pre-teen singing Soulja Boy's song "Superman" the other day. I've liked this song for a while, and has been one of the inspirations to ease myself back into rap and hip-hop music. I am also a grown adult. I had heard the lyrics to "Superman" were a little inappropriate from a couple people, but never really listened to the words of the song until recently. (Who really listens to hip-hop lyrics that closely?) The lyrics seem harmless enough, although "super-soaking that ho" seems to be a popular refrain. Plus I'm always game for the occasional grotesque or racy lyric. I am also a grown adult. I didn't quite get the meaning behind "Supermaning the ho" until I did a little research. If you care to know what exactly he's talking about, check out the explanation on Urban Dictionary. It's pretty concise. It shocks me that I'm shocked by this in a song. I never used to bat an eye at these things. Am I reluctantly turning into the responsible adult I never said I would be? I think what I take the most issue with is the fact that I heard a 12 year old girl singing this song, clueless and peppy as could be. Maybe it's because I now work with this age group, maybe it's because I'm growing up, maybe it's because I actually do have morals somewhere inside me.

Manic Monday

2007-12-10T16:08:00.001-08:00

Sandra Lee A'int Got Shit On Me

2007-12-05T16:33:00.000-08:00

What I believe to be a result of heavy drinking all weekend and no sleep lowering my immunity, I've seem to come down with the flu in the past two days. Of course, working with little germ factories doesn't help either. So I've been popping the Vitamin C and Zicam in an effort to ward off the sickness. Because it's a super busy time of the semester I'm unable to take any time off this week, so needless to say I've been a miserable bitch at work, which is fun for everyone involved. I actually quoted the great sage Julia today when complaining to one of my colleagues "I can't stop bitching!". I am however feeling a bit better tonight and have regained some of my appetite.

Right before I got sick I made a very delicious pan of Stuffed Shells Florentine, which I had been unable to enjoy until this evening. And let me tell you, they were quite YUM-MO! I'm not quite sure what possessed me to make them, and I'm even more puzzled why I had all the ingredients chilling in my kitchen. I think my mother was a bit baffled also, because when I called her to ask her how to make them (which I do for almost everything I cook because I'm usually pretty clueless) she informed me that Sam's Club has excellent stuffed shells in the freezer section instead of giving the recipe.

In other recipe news, I decided to take Elisabeth's advice, and made an awesome meal last week. It was my spin on chicken Marsala with portabello and porccini mushrooms, aspargus and orecchiette pasta in a wine sauce with chicken. It was quite good, and pretty. And as any good chef will tell you, you eat with your eyes first! So I am trying to learn to cook my own gourmet meals, and not be at the mercy of other for a yum-mo meal.

The stray kitty has not been back. Or, that I have seen I guess I should say, since I did see kitty tracks in the snow on my porch yesterday, but no cat. This elates me, because, although I feel bad for the thing in this cold weather, I would not be able to handle it hanging and meowing at my place all the time.

Manic Monday

2007-12-03T14:27:00.001-08:00

Stray Cat Strut

2007-12-02T17:40:00.000-08:00

As per Jen-nay's insightful comment "You're soooo over this blogging thing, right?", I must say that I am not over the blogging thing as much as I'm getting over the internet. I simply haven't found myself turning on my computer for days at a time lately, which is a strange difference from what previously could only be explained as a mild internet addiction. I could never spend an entire day with my computer in the room without checking my e-mail, replying on myspace or googling funny pictures to post. However, now it seems that cyberstalking and blog posts have taken a backseat to other things in my life. I do not want to give the wrong impression that my life has somehow turned more intriguing or busy, just in an internet slump I guess you could say. I would assume, that this too shall pass, and I'll be back on my blogging high horse in no time.

Tonight, when I stepped out on my porch to have a cigarette, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I realized a large black cat was circling my feet. I am by no means a cat person, but I do not hate them. This cat however creeped the shit out of me, and I ran back inside. I'm not sure if it was just the fact that it startled me so much or that I really don't like it, but that cat makes me feel pretty uncomfortable. After I closed my door it sat outside and meowed for a good half an hour. Now, this firstly annoyed me to no end and it came pretty close to driving me into a fury of insanity. But I do also have compassion, sometimes, and the meowing began to tug at my heart strings, and I have been fighting the urge to set some food on my porch for the stray. I do know that once I do that, it will be the beginning of the end, and eventually I will become a cat owner, which I do not want to become. I thought the cat had gone away after about an hour or so, but when I went back out I found him (or her, I didn't care to check) chilling on my porch chair. I'll keep you updated on the kitty drama.

I put up my Christmas tree this afternoon, which goes against my better judgment for many different reasons. For one, I don't believe in the miracle of Jesus, I also hate the corporate mind-fucking of Christmas, plus it's only December 2. But I'm a sucker for tradition and I think Christmas trees are pretty, so a chili pepper tree it is. Plus I got fun bubble lights to put on this year, and I was excited to see them in action. Stay tuned for pictures and more stories.

*By the way, I distinctly remember my parents having this exact statue as part of our holiday decor when I was growing up. Creepy isn't it?

The Democrats Are Coming!

2007-11-27T14:17:00.001-08:00

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!Somehow it's much funnier and more true when you and your friends are starring. Thanks Colby!