My Week As A Common Criminal

The latter half of this week has been a tumultuous one, dear readers. The beginning of the week seemed like any other. Mundane, trying and and I found myself vying for Friday. Flash-forward to Wednesday 6:40 am. Just like any other Hump Day, I grabbed my coat and coffee and trudged to my car in the cold. I began driving out of my housing plan when, to my surprise two local police cars began flashing their lights to pull me over. Knowing that it couldn't have been for speeding, my initial reaction was "WTF?!". Two police officers proceeded to shine their flashlights all through my vehicle, and tell me that my car matched a description of one that drove away with approximately $40 worth of gas last week at a local gas station. Knowing that it wasn't me, but too shocked/scared to defend myself my only reply was "OK". With that he took my license and registration and went back to the squad car to run my plates. "Your plate numbers seem to match" when he came back, "it's no coincidence". Enter extreme panic and me shitting my pants. The officer instructed me to stop by the station on Friday evening for some questioning, and sent me on my way. OK, thanks. So I spent three entire days stewing and stressing convinced that I was going to jail for something I couldn't possibly have done! I scrambled to find every gas receipt for the past 12 months and tried to retrace my steps in the past month.
I did go last night to meet with the officer, and sure enough he had a picture of my car at the gas station with my license plate number the gas attendant gave him. Luckily, I had a receipt of payment for that date and time, which proved this was some horrid mistake. I was hugely relieved, but it doesn't change the fact that I was shitting my pants for three days solid over this. Moral to the story, save all receipts and always pay for your gas. I think some celebratory partying is in store this weekend since I'm so relieved none of my friends had to bake me a cake with a file in it this week.

Definitely Not Yum-mo.

Today's Hump Day leaves me with two sub-par dining experiences. After my strike duties this afternoon I went to a small tavern in the next town over. One of my work cohorts suggested the place because it was "close and has good food". Well, she was half right. I had been to the place only once before, but not to eat. The mood was set by the waitress (who had a deeper voice than I do) rolling her eyes when not everyone at the table was ready to order. When it finally came time, she blurted out "Excuse me!" and made a rolling motion as if she was too busy to wait with her hand to my friend who was having some trouble making up her mind. When all the orders were made, another friend decided to change her order, to which the waitress replied "You know, I've got other orders up and a lot of things to do". Ok, thanks. No new order. To further the ambiance, a half empty, already open liter jug of ice tea with a glass of ice was placed in front of someone who ordered the drink, and I got an economy size bottle of Hidden Valley ranch dressing which was obviously quite an old bottle that they simply kept refilling because I ordered my salad dressing "on the side". My "grilled" chicken salad was OK, except the chicken was boiled and chewy. Yum-mo numero ONE.

To treat myself further this evening because the strike is now complete, I decided to order from a gourmet pizza shop here in town. I had ordered from here before and everything was generally quite good. This place has interesting pizza choices such as the "Cypress Pizza" with feta and eggplant and the "Bacon Cheddar & Fries Pizza" (a sure artery clogger). I decided to go with the "Monte Cristo" which claims to include white sauce with sun-dried tomates, fire roasted red peppers, prosciutto, mozzarella and provolone. I also included an order of hot wings because they were on special. When the pizza came it was definitely not as gourmet as it was cracked up to be. The prosciutto was more like diced ham, no sauce and no tomatoes. The wings were freezer burnt and had no sauce. Normally I would call back and bitch, but tonight it just doesn't seem worth it. I'm taking it as a sign that I need to quit eating out and start eating better.

Long story short $35 spent today on food that was positively NOT yum-mo.

I don't have anything particularly exciting or interesting to say today, but I plan on celebrating USA Week with Jen-nay and all my other single and happy friends!

I am sitting here watching the series premier of Kid Nation. Something which Jen-nay had blogged earlier which blew my mind. And 40 minutes into the first show, I have run a full gambit of emotions. It's pretty annoying and painful, and in fact I turned it after the first 20 minutes, because I couldn't take it anymore, but I turned it back. Partly because there is nothing else on, and partly because it's much like an accident from which you just can't look away. The kids are bratty, clueless, annoying, too big for their britches and funny. All at the same time; and the kids seem a bit too prompted or scripted. I think another turn off of this show for me is the fact that it reminds me too much of my work. I can't quite decide how I feel about this show, but I have an idea that it will not become part of my weekly Hump Day routine.

Handy Andy

To start my Hump Day, I ripped my kitchen cupboard door right off this morning while trying to make toast. This is not the first time I've done this either. I've repaired this same door TWICE already. I never was much of a handyman I guess. I think I may just leave it as is for a while. Adds a bit of whimsy to my kitchen, don't you think?

In other news, I bought a new hair gel, or pomade as they say, today. It's called magnetik by Schwarzkopf. The catchy misspelling alone would have sold me, but this hair product is the first of it's kind to contain pheromones. So, the marketing ploy is, put this in your hair and people will want to have sex with you. The box reads, (and I'm not clever enough to make this up) 4: guys who want texture, hold and game. ...magnetik texturizing pomade contains pheromones- a man's secret edge to make the ladies take notice. Increase your player potential, and of course, texturize and sculpt with serious hold that's never crunchy. The action is all yours- no strings attached. Sayonara Old Spice, there's a new pussy magnet in town! With packaging this good, I couldn't resist. And hell, if it works, it may even be worth the $5.50. Only thing needed to make it complete is a bottle of malt liquor and the morning after pill. I'll keep you posted on it's effectiveness.