On Guamalee Salad And Other Rants

I've been out of the blogging mode for quite some time, and have had a rather hot-cold relationship with the Peace Train as of late. Perhaps it's my social schedule that is keeping me from the blog or perhaps my lethargic and empathetic attitude toward just about everything except procrastination and alcohol. Either way, I need to snap out of it, and fast. I've decided to start yet another photo segment to my blog. I will be posting the first picture that appears on a Google image search to a word that sticks in my head or funny phrase. (Please feel free to contribute search ideas). I think these posts my prove to be quite interesting.

On a side note, on my way home from work everyday I pass an electronic announcement billboard which is placed there to alert of any upcoming roadwork or detours. However, as everyone in, near or remotely associated with the city is suffering from a Penguins victory hangover, the sign reads today "LET'S GO PEN'S!". This grammatical error magnified to 10 feet of flashing LCD lights is about to peak my annoyance meter. If it's not fixed by mid-week I'm calling PenDot.

The Jackson Cookout extravaganza was again a smashing sucess, replete with the surprise appearance of a man who was my roommate my sophomore year of high school in a summer camp. Youth Scholars Camp to be exact (insert "NEEERD" comment here Jen-nay). I had not seen this guy since then, and am actually quite surprised I made the connection enough to remember that we were in fact acquaintances.

Things I learned at the cookout:

• Pre-packaged hamburger patties contain beef hearts.
  
• In an underground version of "Friend/Fondle/Fuck/Watersports" I get watersports every time.
• Everyone in China has a name that ends in "N". (No formal evidence to back this one up yet.)
• Moms can still get down. (I plan on eating poppies with Mrs. J to get a buzz)
• Ina Garten's recipes are perfect for easy-breezy East Hampton dinner parties AND keg parties.
• Don't wear Magenta. Ever.
  
• The difference between "STOOOORIIIES!" and "stoories = ( "
  

Oh I Love Him!

Ummm Tigger, your Vegas is showing.

Distrubing Phallic or Poor Gardening Technique?

You be the judge.

: - ) Is Older, (And Wiser) Than Me

Happy Birthday : -) smiley! It's your time to shine! According to an MSNBC.com article, tomorrow is the 25th anniversary of the keystrokes heard around the world: the ever dreaded colon, hyphen, parenthesis e-smiley. The precursor to every slanty mouthed, money eyed, almost throwing up face we all love to add to our instant messages and e-mails to be extra cute and annoying. I was completely unaware that this world-famous smiley emoticon is a local phenomenon, created by one Scott E. Fahlman, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. According to him, he was the first ever to post this symbol on September 19, 1982 at 11:44 am on an online discussion board about the lack of emotion in online communication. "I propose the following character sequence for joke markers: :-)," wrote Fahlman. "Read it sideways."

THNX Fahlman for making cyberspace so much cuter. ;-(

With Only Three Words

1. Where is your cell phone? on the table

2. Your girlfriend/boyfriend/hubby? will be foreign

3. Your hair? slowly falling out

4. Where is your father? sleeping at home

6. Your favorite thing to do? party with friends

7.Your dream last night? nightmare about school

8. Your favorit drink? ice cold beer

9. Your dream car? i can't afford

10. The room you’re in? cozy living room

12. Your fears? snakes mustard birds

14. Who did you hang out with last night? me, myself, I

15. What aren’t you good at? not buying shit

16. Muffins? Israeli Palestinian Conflict

17. One of your wish list items? trip to Peru

18. The last thing you did? prepared for school

19. What are you wearing? blue swooshy pants

20.Your pet? dead Beta fish

21. Your computer? thin Dell laptop

22.Your life? never ending comedy

23. Your mood? a little anxious

24. Missing? my summer vacation

25. What are you thinking about right now? I need laid

26. Your car? love my aztek

27. Your work? currently in jeopardy

28. Your summer? where'd it go?

29. Your relationship status? happily living single

30. Your favorite color(s)? yellow, blue, green

31. When is the last time you laughed? thirty seconds ago

32. Last time you cried? because it hurt

33. School? is my life

When The Moon Is In The Seventh House...

For anyone who cares, there is a full lunar eclipse early tomorrow morning. Surprisingly, I'm usually a sucker for lame things like this. And besides, what the hell, I'll be up for work anyway. If you're a dork like me, check it.

For The Furry On The Go...

To add comment to an entry in a friend's blog; what the hell is up with commercials? As I sit here watching a horrible made for TV movie with undertones of racism, I am consistently interrupted in the middle of a scene that would only happen in the South with more ridiculous scenarios. The one that is pissing me off the most right now is from AirWick air freshener. (To be fair, ALL air freshener commercials are either disgusting or unrealistic) The family is animals, and the mom is a busy on the go soccer mom giraffe who is too busy to get the stink out of her house caused by her two teenage porcupine sons. I know this seems like a ridiculous rant, but who is the ass that thought this was a cute or funny scenario? Here's a similar commercial with a pretentious British bitch bunny who keeps a fresh smelling home despite the fact that she and her bump on a log smelly jock husband can't quit popping out little British bunnies all over the living room. NEAT! And, with a little reluctant searching, I found out there are also monkeys, elephants, raccoons (not to mention the ones with flies flying around a toilet) Why am I so annoyed by this, and why do I have to bitch about it? I'm not sure.

Everything I Need To Know I Learned From The Bathroom Wall

You know you're in a real top-notch place when they actually encourage you to write on the bathroom walls. Here are some wise little bits I came across last night written by sleazy drunk men who think they're clever. Enjoy!

• Your mom told me to tell you "hi".
• She drink the cum out of the condon
  
• SlUT*
• Talk to the Darmy
• How do you make the ugliest baby?
• Let's ask your mom and we'll find out
• FUCK U R DAD
• Shibby
• LOYALTY