Best For Bear Bottoms

As I sit here, pissed that I let myself get sucked into a predictable abc family movie starring Julia Stiles and her mediocre acting abilities, I am reminded that it's time for me to bitch some more about commercials that disgust me. The culprit this time, like my earlier rant about Air Wick, deals with personal and home hygiene: Charmin. All of the Charmin commercials with the animated shitting bears have always chapped my hide a bit. (I do enjoy their slogan though, "Best for Bear Bottoms" Hmm...sounds like a Craigslist I once responded to...) I believe it is because of the sheer tactlessness guised as cute humor. In the newest installment, we see Mother Bear chasing her cub with a broom and vacuum sweeping all of the toilet paper residue off his butt. The new product ensures less toilet paper on your ass. What a claim! I personally can't think of many other less pleasant things to hear about during prime time. BUT, because it's a cute bear, we can secretly relate and thank Jesus we don't have to worry about paper ass again. Another cute new one is of two bears running on the beach with worried faces. One red, the other blue. Then, two outhouses come into view. Again, one red, one blue. The doors open to find two Charmin products inside. The red is extra strong toilet paper, while the other is gentle and soft. The two then run into their respective port-a-potties, alluding to just what kind of shit they are about to take. Oh, and Handel's "Alleluia Chorus" is playing the whole time in the background. (Please note title of this version)
Some people choose to focus on gay-bashing Snickers commercials, or racy Super Bowl ads, but I seem to direct my hatred towards animated bathroom humor.

Why do people think this is cute?

The Boom Boom Room

I was just channel surfing and happened to stop on FOX news to catch Geraldo Rivera sending off to a commercial in front of some war protesters. The story coming up after the break was, of course, about Sen. Craig and the bathroom scandal. To send off, he says "Up next, we'll be talking about gay sex in the men's room. I bet these protesters know a lot about gay sex in the men's room". Cut to a recreated clip of the bottom of a bathroom stall with a mans foot tapping and the caption read "Boom Boom Boom, Let's Go To The Men's Room". Outraged by what I heard and saw, I of course kept watching after the break, and it only got better. Coming back on an aerial view of the protesters, Geraldo said "We're back and so is the radical, some communisit group, no, I don't know who the hell they are." Who the FUCK is Gerlado Rivera, and where does he get off? Whether you agree with the protesters or not, isn't it the job of any good reporter to stay unbiased on all issues? (By the way, no other mention of the protest has been made, and all I can gather is that they are protesting there because FOX news set up there.) I guess that is what you should expect from the "fair and balanced" news station of FOX, but his comments just seem WAY out of line. To go on, he calls the group "One of the least attractive group of protesters I have ever seen". Really? GERALDO has the right of calling them unattractive?

The best part of the segment was the story about the sex scandal by Laurie Dhue done completely in a men's public restroom mixed with dramatizations of what happened.

Instead of ranting and bitching about the absurdity of everything I just saw and heard, I'm going to let it speak for itself. The sad thing is, for a lot of America, this is their only news source.

For The Furry On The Go...

To add comment to an entry in a friend's blog; what the hell is up with commercials? As I sit here watching a horrible made for TV movie with undertones of racism, I am consistently interrupted in the middle of a scene that would only happen in the South with more ridiculous scenarios. The one that is pissing me off the most right now is from AirWick air freshener. (To be fair, ALL air freshener commercials are either disgusting or unrealistic) The family is animals, and the mom is a busy on the go soccer mom giraffe who is too busy to get the stink out of her house caused by her two teenage porcupine sons. I know this seems like a ridiculous rant, but who is the ass that thought this was a cute or funny scenario? Here's a similar commercial with a pretentious British bitch bunny who keeps a fresh smelling home despite the fact that she and her bump on a log smelly jock husband can't quit popping out little British bunnies all over the living room. NEAT! And, with a little reluctant searching, I found out there are also monkeys, elephants, raccoons (not to mention the ones with flies flying around a toilet) Why am I so annoyed by this, and why do I have to bitch about it? I'm not sure.

Everything I Need To Know I Learned From The Bathroom Wall

You know you're in a real top-notch place when they actually encourage you to write on the bathroom walls. Here are some wise little bits I came across last night written by sleazy drunk men who think they're clever. Enjoy!

• Your mom told me to tell you "hi".
• She drink the cum out of the condon
  
• SlUT*
• Talk to the Darmy
• How do you make the ugliest baby?
• Let's ask your mom and we'll find out
• FUCK U R DAD
• Shibby
• LOYALTY