Hey, Thanks For The Shitty Gift! Now Where's My $10?

My final family Christmas party just wrapped up a few hours ago which for me marks the official end of the Christmas Season. (About God dammed time. sorry Jesus). The Christmas gathering with my father's side of the family is always an interesting one and usually pretty entertaining considering that, unlike my mother's side of the family, there are people close to my age, people who drink and people who have a generally hysterical sense of humor. One of the traditions for this family is to do a "Dirty Santa" gift exchange where everyone brings a $10 gift, puts it in the center and draws numbers to see who picks the gifts first. When this tradition started the gifts were tame, but as the years progressed the gifts got funnier and raunchier. I rememberer one year in particular when I got a can of SPAM, soap on a rope and a pack of Kool cigarettes. Apparently this year however, most people decided that it was time for nice (or at least decent) gifts instead of the traditional tacky gags. This would be fine, IF SOMEONE TOLD ME. I opened my gift, a 6-pack of Yeungling beer and a box of chocolates. Pretty nice. Someone opened my gift, a life-sized plastic hand with a tube connected to a squeeze pump. Squeeze the pump and the middle finger on the hand shoots up. Oh, and there's a suction cup on the bottom to "attach to car windows" (so says the package). To me, that's funny. To someone expecting a $10 gas card, not funny. The only solace I can take is that my aunt and father both bought delightfully tacky gifts also, so at least I wasn't the only one. Next year I'm just putting 10 bucks in a card and saying "To hell with it".

Ok, Thanks!

Well, it's been here and passed already. Christmas is over, and if you're anything like me, you're left shaking your head with a Christmas hangover wondering what the hell just happened. It's such a "joyful" time of year, and fun to prepare for, but it seems so fleeting you almost don't get a chance to really enjoy it.
My Christmas was very nice, and even though it was a whirlwind, it was at the same time relaxing. Christmas morning was the traditional opening of gifts at my parents house with my sister and her family. My parents, as usual went way overboard, but I ended up getting some really cool things. My "it" gift this year is a very cool progressive alarm clock from my parents. This clock, instead of the typical beeping alarm that makes you want to throw it through your bedroom wall, emits a soft light one half hour before your set time to wake up, and gradually gets brighter throughout the thirty minutes, simulating the sunrise. While this happens, it releases aromatherapy scents that you choose as well as softly plays one of six relaxing sounds, such as the ocean, a thunderstorm, nighttime crickets or a stream in the woods. This happens for 30 minutes before your set time to wake up, each of the sense stimulators gradually gets stronger throughout this time. I've tried it the past two mornings, and it's woken me up about 15 minutes before I wanted to get up. Which, under normal circumstances would piss me off like crazy, but it's such a relaxing and invigorating feeling. I am, however, a bit apprehensive to use it when I really have to get up for work next week. I'll keep you updated on it's effectiveness.
I hope everyone had an awesome holiday. What was everyone's "it" gift this year?

A Festivus For The Rest Of Us

It's already that time of year, and somehow it always seems that I'm taken completely by surprise that it's Christmas. I'm heading up to visit my family for a week today and still can't believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I have, however, made my place look a bit festive for the holidays. Even though I am vehemently against the commercial and religious ideals of the holiday, I seem to fall into the cycle every year for the sake of tradition. Plus I do like having a Christmas tree and decorations around my place. It makes it feel a bit more homey and comfortable. I believe this impulse for Christmas decorations comes to me also from my parents, who always have the most lavish and beautiful Christmas decorations up for at least two months. My mother, who has mellowed considerably over the past few years, has always been unreasonably picky about her Christmas trees. Although they are always very beautiful, my father, sister and I were never really allowed to touch the tree or help decorate, and if we did, it was always under her strict supervision. The family tree, usually a concolor fir that smells like oranges, is typically loaded with clear lights and covered in crystals which makes it look like it's dripping with ice. Very pretty and show stopping no doubt, but not child friendly nor practical. To this end, we usually had a second tree in the other room which my sister and I could decorate anyway we wanted. Usually with tinsel, colored lights and old-school ornaments. My own tree at my place is just as delightfully tacky and pretty much suits me. It's a hodgepodge of representative ornaments, with the underlying theme or chili peppers. Most of the ornaments have a Latin American or Spanish theme, from the glass mariachi band, to the chilipeppers with faces saying "Feliz Navidad". It also has colored chili pepper lights, with the tree topper a large bunch of chilis. The newest addition this year is the bubble lights, which I was quite excited about. Also around my place I've put up my nutcrackers which are a mariachi band member and a bull fighter, my two favorite Christmas decorations, as well as wreaths made of old book pages, a different twist on Christmas decos. What are some of your holiday decorating traditions? Even though in a week it will be time to take it all down, it's nice to have your home feel festive for a little while.

Get Your Learn On!

Today, one of my students gave me a CD he said he particularly liked, and thought I would enjoy it also because some of their songs are in French. I don't really know this kid very well, because my class just began two weeks ago, but he's seems like the kind of person I would take music advice from. (even if he is some 12 years younger than me). And I was right. The disc is "Emperor Tomato Ketchup" by Stereolab, a band I have never heard of before, which possibly makes me really uncool. They've been called "one of the most fiercely independent and original groups of the nineties" and have a pretty extensive article on Wikipedia. The band, made up of both English and French members, has a mellow yet upbeat quasi-techno sound that I really like, and about 5 of the 13 songs on this particular album are in French. I think my favorite song is "Metronomic Underground", which I can't find a good version to share here, but look it up if you get a chance.

I can't believe I've never heard of them before, and it took a teenager to open my eyes to them. But, I'm glad he did, it's definitely some good and different jamming music.

5 Sounds That Soothe Me

• a running humidifier
• pen writing on paper
• wooden wind chimes
  
• fire crackling
  
• silent snowy nights
  

Manic Monday

Yin'z Want Some Guac?

It looks like Rick Sebak will have some new Kennywood memories to rant about on the next PBS special. Complete with serapes and maracas. Oh wait, those are Mexican not Spanish. I'm just trying to be silly. In case you haven't heard, Kennywood is being bought by a Madrid-based company called "Parques Reunidos". And, according to the news, this company buys and owns amusement parks all over the world. Being a Pittsburgh implant, I've never really shared the nostalgic passion for Kennywood as many of my cohorts do. Yeah, the Racer's cool, Potato Patch fries...whatever, Noah's Ark...creepy. I've actually only ever been there a handful of times, but every time I've gone, it's been enjoyable. So, I can see why some people who grew up with "Kennywood Memories" might be a bit miffed by the sellout. However on Channel 4 news yesterday afternoon, Mary Lou Rosemeyer, spokesperson for the park, set all the Yinzers at ease (or at least the racist ones) when she assured Pittsburgh that they do not expect big changes in the park. No they do not expect it "to become a giant taco stand", end quote. Thanks for the careless and stereotypical comment Mar! Well, it would be stereotypical if tacos were Spanish. I think the comment might have been a little snappier, maybe even laughable had it been a paella (or pie-ella) stand. Or even a tapas bar. But a taco stand? I'm sorry Mary, I thought you were in public relations. I thought it was your job to speak to the public. Oh, it is? Get a new job. In her defense, she apologized later that day, and claimed it was meant to be a silly and lighthearted comment. Which, I don't doubt it was meant to be. However, it was careless AND stupid. I mean, if you're going to make a mildly offensive ethnic joke on public television, at least get the punch line right.

TV And Sex Go Hand In Hand

My internet is finally fully functional again! I seem to have a problem with "the router staying connected to the internet" so sayeth the tech guy. Well, yeah, I get that. I'm not THAT big of a moron. But how do I KEEP it connected. Well, when this happened for the 4th time, I gave the old ISP techies a call as soon as I got home. He instructed me to type in a few commands, unplug a few things and recite the Greek alphabet backwards while logging on the the internet. I was just planning on a service request, so I hadn't yet turned my computer on for the day. When I did, while I was on the phone with the guy, for some reason, my internet magically connected and I momentarily felt like the world's biggest douche bag. This fellow, however, was quite nice to me and was very helpful. Unlike previous experiences with such people. I've been pretty fed up with this service provider, also the same one who provides the cable, because they have a complete monopoly over all the media connections in my apartment complex. I am unable to get, say Verizon or Adelphia for example. I MUST go with this small company. Which would be fine (especially because I doubt their tech guys would be willing to come out so often every time I can't find the "ON" button of my computer) except for the fact that they only provide basic cable, with no guide channel. This has chapped my ass for quite a while, because I pay a pretty good penny for basic, shitty cable. I know this sounds like a petty complaint, but I'm single, lazy and need digital recording, dammit. Since digital is out the questions for now, I decided to upgrade my package to include HBO and Showtime yesterday while on the phone. A complete impulse purchase, and one that I have never afforded myself before, and I'm not quite sure why. I simply can't wait to watch all the series and movies now that everyone talks about, and looks at me like an alien when I say I've never seen.

On an unrelated note. I heard a pre-teen singing Soulja Boy's song "Superman" the other day. I've liked this song for a while, and has been one of the inspirations to ease myself back into rap and hip-hop music. I am also a grown adult. I had heard the lyrics to "Superman" were a little inappropriate from a couple people, but never really listened to the words of the song until recently. (Who really listens to hip-hop lyrics that closely?) The lyrics seem harmless enough, although "super-soaking that ho" seems to be a popular refrain. Plus I'm always game for the occasional grotesque or racy lyric. I am also a grown adult. I didn't quite get the meaning behind "Supermaning the ho" until I did a little research. If you care to know what exactly he's talking about, check out the explanation on Urban Dictionary. It's pretty concise. It shocks me that I'm shocked by this in a song. I never used to bat an eye at these things. Am I reluctantly turning into the responsible adult I never said I would be? I think what I take the most issue with is the fact that I heard a 12 year old girl singing this song, clueless and peppy as could be. Maybe it's because I now work with this age group, maybe it's because I'm growing up, maybe it's because I actually do have morals somewhere inside me.

Manic Monday

Sandra Lee A'int Got Shit On Me

What I believe to be a result of heavy drinking all weekend and no sleep lowering my immunity, I've seem to come down with the flu in the past two days. Of course, working with little germ factories doesn't help either. So I've been popping the Vitamin C and Zicam in an effort to ward off the sickness. Because it's a super busy time of the semester I'm unable to take any time off this week, so needless to say I've been a miserable bitch at work, which is fun for everyone involved. I actually quoted the great sage Julia today when complaining to one of my colleagues "I can't stop bitching!". I am however feeling a bit better tonight and have regained some of my appetite.

Right before I got sick I made a very delicious pan of Stuffed Shells Florentine, which I had been unable to enjoy until this evening. And let me tell you, they were quite YUM-MO! I'm not quite sure what possessed me to make them, and I'm even more puzzled why I had all the ingredients chilling in my kitchen. I think my mother was a bit baffled also, because when I called her to ask her how to make them (which I do for almost everything I cook because I'm usually pretty clueless) she informed me that Sam's Club has excellent stuffed shells in the freezer section instead of giving the recipe.

In other recipe news, I decided to take Elisabeth's advice, and made an awesome meal last week. It was my spin on chicken Marsala with portabello and porccini mushrooms, aspargus and orecchiette pasta in a wine sauce with chicken. It was quite good, and pretty. And as any good chef will tell you, you eat with your eyes first! So I am trying to learn to cook my own gourmet meals, and not be at the mercy of other for a yum-mo meal.

The stray kitty has not been back. Or, that I have seen I guess I should say, since I did see kitty tracks in the snow on my porch yesterday, but no cat. This elates me, because, although I feel bad for the thing in this cold weather, I would not be able to handle it hanging and meowing at my place all the time.

Manic Monday

Stray Cat Strut

As per Jen-nay's insightful comment "You're soooo over this blogging thing, right?", I must say that I am not over the blogging thing as much as I'm getting over the internet. I simply haven't found myself turning on my computer for days at a time lately, which is a strange difference from what previously could only be explained as a mild internet addiction. I could never spend an entire day with my computer in the room without checking my e-mail, replying on myspace or googling funny pictures to post. However, now it seems that cyberstalking and blog posts have taken a backseat to other things in my life. I do not want to give the wrong impression that my life has somehow turned more intriguing or busy, just in an internet slump I guess you could say. I would assume, that this too shall pass, and I'll be back on my blogging high horse in no time.

Tonight, when I stepped out on my porch to have a cigarette, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I realized a large black cat was circling my feet. I am by no means a cat person, but I do not hate them. This cat however creeped the shit out of me, and I ran back inside. I'm not sure if it was just the fact that it startled me so much or that I really don't like it, but that cat makes me feel pretty uncomfortable. After I closed my door it sat outside and meowed for a good half an hour. Now, this firstly annoyed me to no end and it came pretty close to driving me into a fury of insanity. But I do also have compassion, sometimes, and the meowing began to tug at my heart strings, and I have been fighting the urge to set some food on my porch for the stray. I do know that once I do that, it will be the beginning of the end, and eventually I will become a cat owner, which I do not want to become. I thought the cat had gone away after about an hour or so, but when I went back out I found him (or her, I didn't care to check) chilling on my porch chair. I'll keep you updated on the kitty drama.

I put up my Christmas tree this afternoon, which goes against my better judgment for many different reasons. For one, I don't believe in the miracle of Jesus, I also hate the corporate mind-fucking of Christmas, plus it's only December 2. But I'm a sucker for tradition and I think Christmas trees are pretty, so a chili pepper tree it is. Plus I got fun bubble lights to put on this year, and I was excited to see them in action. Stay tuned for pictures and more stories.

*By the way, I distinctly remember my parents having this exact statue as part of our holiday decor when I was growing up. Creepy isn't it?