Hi, I'm Rock. Let's Shoot a Moose.

Jen-nay tipped me off to this fun little site , (presumably prompted by a beer-fueled conversation last night about Sarah Palin and her children) which tells you what your name would be if you were a Palin offspring. Personally the Republican VP candidate makes my skin crawl, as do the names of her god-knows-how-many children: Bristol, Piper, Track, Willow, and Trig (which apparently is Norse for "strength", potentially cool, but whatever). So what's your Palin name? Type it in and find out. Had I been lucky enough to be birthed into that skwacky right-wing gun-toting family, you would not be reading "The World According To Drewby", but rather "The World According To ROCK CRANE PALIN". I think my Palin name is much more rugged and sexy, but we must sacrifice some things for sanity.

Hello, My Name Is Drewby. Remember Me?

Since leaving my blogging regimen (or better, sporadic blogging) this is what I've been up to:

After what seemed like an eternity, my final day of work finally arrived last Friday and in typical fashion, I celebrated with many drinks with friends. Which made more an interesting Saturday morning when I had to wake up early to make the trek north to my parents for a wedding that night. As you may know, weddings are not my favorite affairs, and I typically go into them with a rather pessimistic "I give it 2 years" kind of attitude. I would like to sat this wedding was different, but I can not. A very old childhood friend of mine married his high school sweetheart in a town next to where we grew up. Lovely wedding, lovely reception (cash bar, but I digress...) blah blah blah. Deez Nuts made the trip north with me, so at least I had some entertainment. What had planned on a weekend trip, be back home Sunday turned into a four day event. Due mostly to various members of my family coming up with plans and events that made me feel guilty for leaving. Highlights included eating huge meals, sleeping, eating more, chilling in the hot tub, or "Cajoozie" as my gramps calls it, eating and then going out to eat. It was a great relaxing weekend, but I was more than ready to leave this morning. So after an early rise this morning and a brief stop in Clarion for breakfast with a former professor (Elisabeth, if you're there, I apologize) I'm back at my place. Unfortunately, I did not get to visit with anyone other than my immediate family this weekend, so if you're from home reading this, don't kill me.

Another highlight of the trip was witnessing the phenomenon of my hometown, the preparation for the 4th of July parade. Presumably because there is nothing else to do or look forward to in this town, locals line the parade route 3 to 5 days in advance with lawn chairs in order to get an excellent view of the mediocre parade. Most are linked together with rope to avoid easy theft, but the good seats, the REALLY good seats are chained to street signs and utility poles. (side note: it has always been a mischievous fantasy for one friend and I to saturate the entire street of chairs with maple syrup the night of July 3rd. Unfortunately it didn't happen this year, but I feel next year might be the year. Just imagine what the people in Meyersdale would say! )(Photos courtesy of Dee from my moving vehicle)

So now I am back at home refreshed and ready to tackle the lazy summer days ahead. I realized the other day that, because of my shortened summer, I had not yet prepared my summer reading stack. So, in order to get motivated, I made a trip to Barnes & Noble this afternoon, which is always an economic disaster. After an hour or so of browsing, reading and Starbucks, I managed to get away with only 3 purchases: "Drown" by Junot Diaz (I really wanted "The brief wondrous life of Oscar Wao, but it won't be in until September), an Isabel Allende novel, and Miranda July's new book of stories (Jen-nay, it's all yours when I'm finished). Any other suggestions for the summer stack are more than welcome!

A Recent Conversation...

between myself and a middle aged blue collar woman peddling maple sugar candies at the Meyersdale Maple Festival.

after paying for a bag of candy:

Woman: "You probably want a bag, since I see you don't have a purse."
Me: "Yeah, I left mine in the car."
Woman: "Oh, good. Because if you did, I would have to call security and say 'Look at this guy walking around with a purse!' Just like that man who's having a baby, and all that!"
Me: "Oh, can't have any of that at the Maple Festival."
Me (to Jen-nay and Julia): "Get me the fuck out of here."
Jen-nay: "I like my maple candy with a side of homophobia."

Happy Easter Y'all

I made it back to my place after the riveting family festivities. And as promised, the white chocolate cross made it's annual appearance. I would have a picture to share, but it seems my camera shit the bed this weekend. So I'll be in the market. Any suggestions?

Also included in my Easter holiday was my grandpa stating that "it seems 'Negroes' were born with a basketball in their hand", my great uncle from Italy showing his disgust for my Italian skills and an hour long video my grandpa made us watch on battleships of the NATO countries. I also discovered that Jen-nay's joke :"Jesus walked into a Hilton with three nails and asked 'Can you put me up for Easter?'" was not as big a hit at the dinner table as I first expected. Happy Easter.

Durty Nellies et al

Eat your heart out Jen-nay, I made my own Guamalee yesterday. (Please note the intentional placement of durty nellies just for you). As I was browsing the produce section of the grocery store yesterday (which is my favorite part of grocery shopping) I decided to make guacamole on a complete whim. And I must say, it turned out flawless.

In other food news, my flour tortilla package recommends that if you have children who are partiularly picky eaters, you should try this delicious recipie: "Hot Corned Beef Roll-Ups with lettuce and spicy dressing". What planet did the marketing staff and kitchen gurus at Azteca flour tortilla company come from? That, to me, sounds like the most ridiculous item to make for a picky eater. No thanks Azteca.

I'm also waiting with baited breath for the season premier of Top Chef on Bravo. As the countdown on the right hand corner of my screen winds down, Bravo is re-airing the season finale of Project Runway, which is a show I mistakenly got sucked into. Mainly because they show re-runs of it constantly and I always stop when there is nothing else on. I guess you could call it one of my guilty pleasures. I secretly love it when Heidi Klum says "Auf Wiedersehen". I did, however, find the winner Christian incredibly annoying. Just a little too flamboyant and over the top for me (can you believe it?).

Buon Pomeriggio!

Day One of Italian class is complete, and I think it's going to be a success! The class is full of middle aged wealthy people who "Want to learn a few phrases" before their vacations to Tuscany, but I think it will be a good time. There is, as in every class anywhere, the one student I absolutely can not stand who seems to think she knows everything and is much smarter than every person in the room. My favorite moment was when she tried to translate something the teacher said out loud to show off and was wrong. Completely wrong. I couldn't help but giggle like a kid. My friend who is taking the class with me and I have already decided that we are going to be the "bad kids" of the class, and it didn't help that we went for a margarita (or two) beforehand.

I got on Amazon tonight to buy a workbook for the class, and ended up spending 100 bucks impulsively on books I probably don't need. No, definitely don't need. I'm most excited for "Fuck This Book", a collection of photos of signs vandalized with the word "Fuck", and I also bought another book from Post Secret. Jen-nay turned me on to the website/blog and I instantly loved it. I've decided I'm going to start my own collection of the books.

I have more stories to post about a current temporary roommate but don't have the time/energy to post now. Stay tuned.

My Body, My Choice.

Today is the the 35th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, making abortion legal. Although not a huge fan of killing babies, I do like personal rights and am, therefore, an evil "Pro-choicer". Today would have been a good day for Jen-nay and I to make our tour downtown to harass the pro-lifers with their toddler children holding signs with pictures of abortions on a busy street. (Which shows complete concern for the welfare of children) Let's keep in mind that this important court decision represents more than just abortion rights, and let's vote out the bastards who want to change it. Happy R. v. Wade Day!

Ahh So Soothing

As promised, here is a picture (which is a good candidate for a 'food and finger' picture) of the maiden use of one of my gifts from Jen-nay and Julia;
a lettuce knife (along with some other fun kitchen gadgets and a nice cookbook). I used it this evening to make a semi-homemade meal of lettuce wraps and brown rice with beans.
I found a lettuce wrap filling in the organic section of my grocery store, and decided it try it out. It was quite yum-mo and sort of like the coveted "Soothing Lettuce Wraps" from P.F. Changs! Happy New Year, by the way, to all my readers!

Stray Cat Strut

As per Jen-nay's insightful comment "You're soooo over this blogging thing, right?", I must say that I am not over the blogging thing as much as I'm getting over the internet. I simply haven't found myself turning on my computer for days at a time lately, which is a strange difference from what previously could only be explained as a mild internet addiction. I could never spend an entire day with my computer in the room without checking my e-mail, replying on myspace or googling funny pictures to post. However, now it seems that cyberstalking and blog posts have taken a backseat to other things in my life. I do not want to give the wrong impression that my life has somehow turned more intriguing or busy, just in an internet slump I guess you could say. I would assume, that this too shall pass, and I'll be back on my blogging high horse in no time.

Tonight, when I stepped out on my porch to have a cigarette, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I realized a large black cat was circling my feet. I am by no means a cat person, but I do not hate them. This cat however creeped the shit out of me, and I ran back inside. I'm not sure if it was just the fact that it startled me so much or that I really don't like it, but that cat makes me feel pretty uncomfortable. After I closed my door it sat outside and meowed for a good half an hour. Now, this firstly annoyed me to no end and it came pretty close to driving me into a fury of insanity. But I do also have compassion, sometimes, and the meowing began to tug at my heart strings, and I have been fighting the urge to set some food on my porch for the stray. I do know that once I do that, it will be the beginning of the end, and eventually I will become a cat owner, which I do not want to become. I thought the cat had gone away after about an hour or so, but when I went back out I found him (or her, I didn't care to check) chilling on my porch chair. I'll keep you updated on the kitty drama.

I put up my Christmas tree this afternoon, which goes against my better judgment for many different reasons. For one, I don't believe in the miracle of Jesus, I also hate the corporate mind-fucking of Christmas, plus it's only December 2. But I'm a sucker for tradition and I think Christmas trees are pretty, so a chili pepper tree it is. Plus I got fun bubble lights to put on this year, and I was excited to see them in action. Stay tuned for pictures and more stories.

*By the way, I distinctly remember my parents having this exact statue as part of our holiday decor when I was growing up. Creepy isn't it?

Where Yinz Been N'at?

I have been a little busy/have nothing interesting to post lately, thus a week with no post. But, I will give you a slight update.

My Thanksgiving this year was a bit different than usual. Since I have been on strike for so long, I originally thought I would have work on Friday, so decided to make the trek home to my parents Friday evening where we would hold the traditional turkey feast Saturday afternoon. Well, as it turned out, I didn't have to work Friday and came home earlier, but we still did everything on Saturday. Thanksgiving dinner was steaks on the grill with my parents and a few drinks afterwards with some friends. Friday I met up with some other friends from home and finally finished the book Siddhartha, of which I will post more about soon. Saturday was Thanksgiving for me, but half my family was out of town, so it was doubly strange. I decided to take it upon myself to drink up most of the wine sitting around my parents house to make the family bonding time more bearable. Which brings us to here, as I get ready for a brand new work week tomorrow. As per Jen-nay's post on Thanksgiving tradition and fun old TV re-runs, I did happen to grab Saturday Night Live this week which was a "Thanksgiving Leftover" special. (I assume this had something to do with the writer strike). I always like when SNL does this kind of episode with a montage of really great old clips. Some of my particular favorite Thanksgiving skits are Chris Rock's "Pump The Turkey" commercial and Cinder Calhoun's anti-turkey song on Weekend Update.


Hope everyone had a great holiday!

Boo!

It's finally here! My favorite holiday, All Hallows Eve. Although, it does seem a little strange this year. I already celebrated Halloween on Saturday with Jen-nay and Julia's party, so my festiveness is done. But, I thought it would be fun to do some reminiscing about Halloween and what made it my favorite holiday of the year!

My parents were very into the holiday when I was growing up, and I think that transferred to me. Both my mom and dad were pretty awesome pumpkin carvers. We always carved about a dozen or so every year to display during Trick-Or-Treating. (Note: my last pumpkin of the season, Herman Munster at right) In particular I remember my mother always did a very intricate wizard and a two-pumpkin haunted house which had one smaller pumpkin inside the other. We always took them to my grandparents house during trick-or-treating because our house was in the middle of nowhere. I also remember instead of candles we put old school big colored Christmas lights in the pumpkins which made them a bit spookier.

In addition to the pumpkins, my family usually had some sort of display set up in my grandparents yard for the trick-or-treaters. Some of the better ones I remember are a vampire (my dad) jumping out of a coffin, and another year a mad scientist (my mom) eating the brains out of a head on a platter (me). I also remember a Halloween party my parents threw for my friends my sophomore or junior year of high school. They transformed our entire house into a sort of haunted house. The basement was the location of the party, and it was covered in gauze and lights and other spooky things. In the basement bathroom there hung a mutilated body in the shower and bloody hands floated in the punch bowl. Upstairs, the guests had to come through the kitchen where my mother dressed as a witch stirring a huge pot of guts on the stove, and pulled cookies out of the oven shaped and decorated like body parts. My father lay in a coffin in the living room (which was decorated to look like an abandoned and scary funeral home). My mother ushered the guests into the living room and made them just sit there with the "dead" body in silence until all the guests arrived. (Occasionally my father would open his eyes or jump up to scare the shit out of my friends.) I also remember someone standing outside chasing people with a chainsaw. My parents always kicked ass, but especially during Halloween.

Some of my past costumes have been (from most recent back):

• Pimpin' Pope Drewby the 69th
• Ben Franklin's gay lover
• Julius Caesar
  
• Judge Judy
• Out of work Parisian artist
• Zombie professor
• Chucky (from the movie)
  
• Disco dancer
• Carrie (again, obviously from the movie)
• Hippie
• Juan Valdez (Colombian coffee guy)
  
• Old Lady
• Cat in the Hat
• Clown

When I was younger, our town was a great spot for trick-or-treating, and we had the evening schedule down to a science. You always knew what houses to hit and which to skip so the two hours would be most efficient. I always skipped the old lady who made every child come in her house, take off your mask and tell who your parents were before she gave any candy, and the house that made you sign a prayer list and the treat was a prayer book. (Usually the house to get toilet papered and egged at the end of the night, thank God.) I never missed the houses that handed out the full candy bars or cans of pop, or the house with the homemade peanut butter and chocolate. (We lived in a small town where homemade wasn't really an issue). After the candy run, I made my way back to my grandparents house where the was always hot apple cider and glazed donuts (usually homemade).

And there it is, a not so condensed version of Drewby's Halloweens past. What are some of your favorite Halloween memories?

HAPPY HAUNTING!

Manic Mondays

As inspiration from Travel Tuesdays and Jen-nay's Guamalee Thursdays, Mondays will now be "Manic Monday" (I know, all the alliteration is a little campy) I will post a picture that is representative of something in my life, something I am thinking or feeling or something that amuses me at the time. I won't post a story or any explanation. I'll let you, my faithful reader(s?) determine what it is I'm musing about. Stay tuned for tomorrows fist installment!

Me No Like Grammar Check and Hi New Reader

I just realized a grave spelling error in Monday's post : I'm planning to make another trip up their next summer. Don't worry, it has been changed. Just wanted to make a big deal out of nothing. Ok, Thanks. Also, a big HI-A to Dykie! Thanks for reading! I think I'm up to two readers now thanks to you and Jen-nay!