Not So Yum-O

I found this article last month, and have been meaning to blog about it's ridiculousness for a while. The gist of the story is that some conservative right-wingers had beef with Rachael Ray's new Dunkin' Donuts commercial. Not because Republicans don't allow themselves simple joys like donuts or even that Rachael's voice distracts them from their work of sucking souls, but because of what she is wearing. Apparently Republican's have become the fashion police, the global fashion police. Surprise surprise, something else for them to have their panties in a bunch about. According to the MSNBC article, right wing people with some pull claimed that Rachael is wearing what appeared to be a kaffiyeh, which is an Arab head wrap. This of course confuses the general American audience, and tricks them into believing that supporting religious radicals and terrorists is a good thing, and now can't make the difference between a greasy donut-pushing television host and a Muslim extremist.

To me, (and probably anyone else with a rational bone in their body) the scarf looks like a hip fashion trend. I actually like the look, and wouldn't mind having one like it. In fact, Kanye West is even wearing one in his new video with Chris Martin. Oh wait, he already is the enemy of the Bush regime. What's worse, instead of Dunkin' Donuts' advertising team standing up to these goons and defending this ridiculous claim, they pulled the ad! Whatever Dunkin' Donuts, whatever.

What prompted me to finally get around to writing about this article was a conversation I had with a woman who I met at a wedding this weekend. This woman works for an advertising agency which handles some of Rachael Ray's products, which means this woman has met and worked with Rachael herself. I was a little bit surprised to hear her tell me that in real life, behind the camera and the overly kitschy Catskill Mountains charm, Rachael is "a total bitch". According to my conversation, she's a chain-smoker who won't leave Manhattan. I personally enjoy this little bit of information about Rachael. She seems a little too cute and campy on her shows (and her talk show is a disaster), so the smoking and bad attitude give her a bit of cred in my opinion. Terrorist sympathizer or not, any chain-smoking, trash-talking, beer-swilling mountain girl is my type of TV Chef.

Daddy-o!

In honor of Fathers Day, I present to you my father circa 1971. My dad and I have a healthy, but strange father-son relationship which includes small talk usually over several beers. Many people say that I get my temperament (not to mention charming good looks!) from my father. The man has the patience of a saint, but let things build up a little too much, and one small thing will send him (or anyone in his path) overboard. I consider myself to be pretty much the same way.

As I get older, I am also beginning to realize that I not only inherited his temperament, but also tinges of his anal-retentiveness and need for things to be organized. Not just tidied up in a pile, but turbo-organized. Now, in my defense, I'm not nearly as filed and labeled as my father (yet), but I'm close. The first time he came to my apartment and saw that my dress shirts were organized in my closet by color he was beaming with pride. Keep in mind that this is also the an who has every bank statement and canceled check from the past 20 years. While helping me move a huge recliner that my parents have given to me which was bought several years before I was born, I joked about him still hanging on the sales receipt for the thing. Sure enough, upon return home, he sorted through some file folders, found one labeled "1980" and there was the damned receipt. So why do my forks have to be facing the same direction, or my belts rolled and stacked in the drawer? My Pops.

So here's to you Daddy-o, and all fathers. Happy Fathers Day!

FOUND:

beside the parking lot of my apartment building today at 4:01 pm:

Open Letter To WalMart And All Applicable Companies, Associates and Customer

Dear WalMart,

You have me right where you want me, and I applaud your marketing skills and ploys that got me there. However, a few things need to be brought to your attention. First may I recommend a fresher produce section, as I discovered the green pepper I purchased today was mush at the bottom. Normally I would check for such things, but a busy mother of four was hustling me out of the vegetable aisle, so I grabbed and ran. Also a routine maintenance check on shopping carts might be in order, since for the past several times, my cart had at least one wheel that simply would not turn.

As for your greeting card section, it became apparent to me this evening that unless you are a child of 6 years or less, a daughter or married, finding an appropriate Father's Day card is near impossible. I did end up purchasing a card for my father at your store which had a reasonable sentiment, however it was laden with scripture, which goes completely against my better judgment. I'm quite sure this is part of an elaborate religious right scheme by your company which has yet to be uncovered. Further more, I felt the need to explain my selection to the check-out associate as he looked over my card by saying "It's the only one I could find." I'd prefer if next time he didn't read my purchases.

While on the topic of checking out. Perhaps a more rigorous enforcement of the "20 items or less" policy could be considered. The pair of less than savory women in two-size-too-small denim short shorts bought well over their fair 20 items in skimpy swim suits and black "Peace Love and Elmo" tank tops (side bar: you may consider pulling those from the shelves completely) while shamelessly flirting with the aforementioned sales associate held the line for much longer than necessary. Which not only annoyed me, but also the young father and two screaming toddler girls behind me, who in turn annoyed me even further.

And to the Tropicana company, please restock the organic apple and pear juice. It is my favorite, and I get very angry at WalMart for not carrying it.

Also, WalMart, your brand new "McCafe" isn't fooling anyone. It's clearly a McDonald's with a better decor and a coffee machine that congests the entrance to your store.

I do hope you take my suggestions into consideration, as you will undoubtedly suck me back into your low priced web again.

Oh, and I saw a mother and her son in the cereal aisle eat all the chicken fingers they just picked up from the deli and threw the container away without paying.

Update

What have I been up to as of late you ask? Well, not a whole lot, but here's a week-in review submitted for your reading pleasure.

• The Dave Matthew's concert was a smashing success, I think. I'm ashamed to say that I paid absolutely no attention to the performance, but had a great time anyway. The traditional tailgating ritual turned into a frat party about a half an hour into it when it was decided that "shotgunning" beers was in order. That was the downfall of the entire night as I see it. But it was complete with gourmet burgers, peeing in the woods and a visit from some random pot-smoking stranger-friends sporting "Dee's Nuts" tee-shirts. Fast-forward about 4 hours to the concert which included $8 beers, a lost pair of shoes and a French-speaking friend and I running through the crowd jumping over people and yelling "It's O.K.! We Speak French."
• I'm preparing myself for a golf outing for work this coming weekend. My foursome includes myself and 3 middle aged women. All of whom play little to no golf. I've been out golfing maybe three times before, none of which would I ever consider elevated my playing ability. Stay tuned for the embarrassing update and pictures.
• I've been on the hunt for a new place to live with no luck in sight. My current living situation is alright, however I'm growing very tired of living under and over someone. Buying is not an option a) because I have no desire for the financial and physical responsibilities b) I am in absolutely no position to cough up any amount of house-buying cash. My search by word of mouth and online has made me feel frustrated and inadequate on a number of levels and am starting to resign myself to signing over another lease for my apartment, at least for one more year.
• I was told today by a 14 year old that I certainly wasn't the type of person to party or have fun and probably find myself sipping tea instead of "really partying". Actually, I think the term "with your pinky up" was included also. I simply agreed in modest humility and neglected to tell the youngster that I had a hard time remembering my name the previous weekend.
• Yesterday evening, in search for something "Mmm Mmm Mmm Toasty" and over priced, I dropped by Quizno's for dinner. When I asked the kid making my sandwich for the "Turkey Bacon Guacamole" sandwich, his only reply was "Gross", and made my meal in silence. Ok, thanks Quizno's kid, my guamalee was, in fact, quite delicious.
• Along with my housing search, I've also been looking (although with an obvious lack of enthusiasm) for graduate programs to obtain a Master's degree. My specifications are a bit specific, as I want/need an intensive summer program, however, the idea of it all stresses me out to the extent that every time I begin to do some research I have to take a permanent break.
• Over the weekend I watched the entire first season of "Big Love" which I really do love. I'm not sure if it's the creepy/well-written story line or the fact that you're guaranteed a graphic sex-scene in every episode, but I'm definitely a fan of the series.
  

Wanna Know How I Know You're Gay?

You like Coldplay. (and/or Chris Martin)

I know, I know ANOTHER music video post Drewby? But I just caught this new video on BET (yes, BET. And I also learned that you can catch "Different Strokes" there every day at 3) this afternoon and I'm loving the juxtaposition of Kanye West's pseudo-hard rap with Chris Martin's awesome voice and piano playing. Check it out, and let me know: is it just me or does Kanye's crotch seem to take an eerily leading role?

New Jam I'm Currently Digging

Cold War Kids "Hang Me Up To Dry"

Hey Drewby, Take A Flying Leap...

into the 21st century.

After a failed attempt at getting a new cool phone, I made the purchase today of the enV2, which I think I may grow to love. Not only does it have a flip up full keyboard, but also a memory card I can plug into my laptop. So get ready for a barrage of picture posts and text message 'yinz!.

I made my way back to my hometown this holiday weekend to visit the family, and for the first time in a while, I had an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. I think the OT on family visiting coupled with seeing a few friends I hadn't seen in a while really made me miss the old town. However, my weekend was also filled with "This is why I moved" moments. This weekend was all a buzz in the sleepy town too, because it was the annual Memorial Day Jubilee! Yes I realize that it is probably the only place in the free world that still refers to something as a "Jubilee" (and they also have a Juneteenth celebration, but that's another post altogether). So not only did I get to witness a stellar fireworks display, I also got to participate in a 15 minute long parade and a chicken BBQ! I did also snag some awesome stuff for work from one of my oldest and bestests Kato (No, not Kalin).

Besides the awesome festivities, I worked like a bone fide indentured servant landscaping with my father this weekend. The bonding was nice, but the sunburn doesn't really seem worth it.

I also learned that my two neices have developed their own language, which totally fascinates me. A new vocabulary word I learned this weekend: "cheekin' " = kidding. I took this opportunity to introduce them to some Chutney Popcorn vocabulary as well. They now pronounce "chips and salsa" as "chulsa", and I actually taught them that "bear paw" is pronounced "burpah". However, their idea of a bear paw and the literal Chutney to English translation vary quite a bit, I didn't want to let them miss out on any language learning moment.

In other unrelated new, while sitting on my porch this evening, I witnessed a couple pull in and out of the same parking spot a total of 4 times to readjust the car. Then after the 4th attempt, a woman got out of the passenger seat, and directed him how to park, describing in inches how far the car was away from the curb. Please keep in mind this was NOT parallel parking, nor was their a car in the space next to it. Really?

I hope everyone had an excellent and Sucker-free Memorial Day weekend.

	Busta Rhymes - Don't Touch Me
	Found at skreemr.com

If I see one more card, sign, mug or plaque that says "The Tassel Was Worth The Hassle" I'm flipping shit on Hallmark Inc.

Just when you thought all reality TV was scripted and you couldn't relate to the cast, MTV cranks out yet another teenage show stopper that has The Hills spitting out their chai lattes in disgust. The Paper, which I had the distinct pleasure of stumbling upon this evening, follows the life of a group of high school students, Cypress Bay high school students to be exact, through the twists, turns and perils of writing for a school newspaper. I ended up watching the entire episode, which I guess speaks volumes of my social life, and was disgusted yet sickly fascinated at the same time. Granted, I'm surely not the target audience for such a stomach turning program, but I mean really, MTV. Haven't we learned our lesson with "A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila"? The program includes, of course, the nerd, the jock, the indie girl, the awkward kid and the token gay guy. Don't everyday teenagers have enough drama already? The juicy plot line of the episode I was fortunate to catch was, and I quote, "Mrs. Weiss shakes up the seating arrangements in hopes it will bring harmony to the paper." I leave you with that.

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

On Guamalee Salad And Other Rants

I've been out of the blogging mode for quite some time, and have had a rather hot-cold relationship with the Peace Train as of late. Perhaps it's my social schedule that is keeping me from the blog or perhaps my lethargic and empathetic attitude toward just about everything except procrastination and alcohol. Either way, I need to snap out of it, and fast. I've decided to start yet another photo segment to my blog. I will be posting the first picture that appears on a Google image search to a word that sticks in my head or funny phrase. (Please feel free to contribute search ideas). I think these posts my prove to be quite interesting.

On a side note, on my way home from work everyday I pass an electronic announcement billboard which is placed there to alert of any upcoming roadwork or detours. However, as everyone in, near or remotely associated with the city is suffering from a Penguins victory hangover, the sign reads today "LET'S GO PEN'S!". This grammatical error magnified to 10 feet of flashing LCD lights is about to peak my annoyance meter. If it's not fixed by mid-week I'm calling PenDot.

The Jackson Cookout extravaganza was again a smashing sucess, replete with the surprise appearance of a man who was my roommate my sophomore year of high school in a summer camp. Youth Scholars Camp to be exact (insert "NEEERD" comment here Jen-nay). I had not seen this guy since then, and am actually quite surprised I made the connection enough to remember that we were in fact acquaintances.

Things I learned at the cookout:

• Pre-packaged hamburger patties contain beef hearts.
  
• In an underground version of "Friend/Fondle/Fuck/Watersports" I get watersports every time.
• Everyone in China has a name that ends in "N". (No formal evidence to back this one up yet.)
• Moms can still get down. (I plan on eating poppies with Mrs. J to get a buzz)
• Ina Garten's recipes are perfect for easy-breezy East Hampton dinner parties AND keg parties.
• Don't wear Magenta. Ever.
  
• The difference between "STOOOORIIIES!" and "stoories = ( "
  

Ummm, Drewby...

Could you commit to something, please?

I have, in the past month, began and read the first 2 chapters (or so) of exactly five books. All of which have been sitting on my bookshelves. I have full intention of finishing them someday. When the time is right. Maybe this summer. Yes that's right, when I'm free in the summer, and can enjoy my books. Or was that my plan for these books last summer? No, it was the summer before, and I just haven't gotten around to it. Point is, I commit to nothing and procrastinate everything.

"But they're only books, Drewby" you might say. But, you see, it's much more than that. The books are only a catalyst to a bigger problem. As time goes on, I'm slowly learning more and more about myself, and lately I've discovered I'm a completely noncommittal person. (Except of course for my vices which I have absolutely no problem committing to). Take for example my love affair with studying and playing music. For a period in my life, I could think of nothing but playing music. I ate, slept and breathed playing Chopin nocturnes and thought I would do it for the rest of my life. Fast forward seven years and now I don't touch a keyboard unless it has the alphabet printed on it. I thought I would revive my music flare with the guitar, and although I haven't given up on it, there it sits, lonely and unplayed in the corner of my living room. My Italian classes started off with a bang, but fizzled somewhere in between ...due, tre, quattro... and Quanto costa un biglietto? Oh yeah, and that workout plan I devised and the exercise regime tapped to my spare room door? I'll be working on that. Just as soon as I get my bathroom scale fixed...

All of this boils down to two of the traits I detest most about myself: procrastination tinged with a little bit of laziness (O.K. a lot of laziness sometimes). I think as another summer rolls around, I need to implement a late, or mid-year resolution: to finish what I start and commit to at least one damn thing. Who's with me?

M is for the Many Thing She Gives Me...

In honor of today being Mother's Day, I'm dedicating this post to the only woman nearest and dearest to me: my mother. Always ready with a witty and unexpected inappropriate remark and pretty sound advice disguised as passing conversation, my mom has been a hugely influential part of my life, and I'm just starting to realize how much so now that I've moved out and lived on my own.

My mother is an awesome cook, and is one of those people that can make absolutely anything, and with more calories that it's supposed to have. This trait was always popular with my friends growing up, as my house was always one of the hang outs because staying for dinner was never a question. It seems all I ever do on my visits home is eat, and when I'm not eating I'm in the kitchen talking to my mom helping make the next thing I'm going to eat. This is a welcome change for me since I've moved out. Home cooked food is not a regular occourance at the Casa de Drewby.

She also could be categorized under the "can be a bit overbearing" category, however, I really do believe she has no intention of doing so. I remember moving into my dorm room my freshman year of college. I was talking to a couple guys in my doorway who would be my new neighbors. Right in the middle of the conversation my mother interrupts with an armload of my underwear and tells me she's putting "all these in the top drawer". Ok, thanks Mom. When I later told her not to unpack my things, I would do it, her feelings were genuinely hurt. However, at that stage so was my pride, and I didn't much care. Mom has mellowed considerably since then, and when I moved into a place of my own, her unpacking prowess was welcomed with open arms.

So here's to you, Mom, and all mom's. Happy Mother's Day!

Cinco de Cansado

¡Feliz Cinco de mayo a Ustedes! Normally I would call for a rousing trip to the cantina to sling back some margaritas and burritos, but I'm afraid my fiesta blood is flowing a little slowly today. I had THE absolute worst night of sleep last night, and I'm not exactly sure why. I went to bed around the normal time of 11pm last night and laid awake, WIDE awake until about 4:45 am. Just in time to catch a few winks before my 5:30 wakeup call. Needless to say, I'm in no mood for parties and have become a basic walking zombie for the day. In order to feel like I somewhat celebrated the holiday today however, I treated myself to a Corona after work with a colleague (never TOO tired for beer) went and got some sushi take out (unfortunately not feeling the Mexican fare tonight) and retired almost immediately to my bed. I took a nice nap, and feel a little better now, but hope that my little bout of insomnia doesn't become habitual.

In other Cinco de mayo news, a local news station, in honor of the holiday, aired a running strip along the bottom of the screen during their early morning and late afternoon broadcasts claiming that today is "Mexico's Independence Day" and compared it to the 4th of July. As I'm sure you all know (and if you don't, you would most certainly look it up before broadcasting it on cable television) that in fact Mexico's Independence Day is NOT el cinco de mayo but rather el dieciseis de septiembre and today commemorates something quite different. Perhaps Mary Lou Rosenmeyer from Kennywood tipped them off to this bit of misinformation. Yet again, our local news source working for you! ¡Que tengan un buen y feliz cinco de mayo!

Waaaaa?

I filled up my gas tank tonight to the tune of $61.08.

I think my feelings can best be summed up by Kurt Cobain:

	Nirvana - Rape me
	Found at skreemr.com

You Know You're Evolving Into A Yinzer When...

You stand in your kitchen contemplating a new way to prepare your frozen pirogies. My solution: grilling on the Foreman. Do I recommend it Yinz ask? Not particularly, I still prefer boiled and slathered with butter and onions, but the Foreman will do in a pinch.

The more I live in the this area, the more I'm understanding and adapting to the Pittsburgh way, but I'm not sure I'm even close to becoming a real "Pittsburgher". I actually think this title is completely unattainable to me for several reasons: I don't particularly like or watch the Steelers, ahem "Stillers", I think ketchup is disgusting (I don't care if it IS Heinz), and I'm not all that fond of Primanti sandwiches ahem "sammitches". I do however marvel at the Pittsburgh accent and usually watch the local news to hear it in the interviews, and have noticed myself using the terms "jag-off" and "nebby" a little more than I'd really like.

My whole point of this post, actually, was to draw attention to a local commercial that seems to be running a lot lately for Isley's chipped-chopped ham. First of all, I'm not completely sold on anything with the phrase chipped-chopped, but the commercial gets me every time. At the end, a Pittsburgh local describes his love affair with the ham as "fluffy and wonderful". I'm IN! Get me to a deli ASAP. Unfortunately I'm having difficulty finding the commercial to post.

I'm Back To Celebrate Earf Day!

A big and overdue apology to anyone who may have been bored enough in the past few weeks to drop by and hear what I had to say. I've been out of the blogging routine for a while, and am slowly getting back. It seems my life has been in a bit of a rut lately. Even a funk, you could say, of nothing to do and even less to say. (Not that I ever have much to say, really, but at least I usually have motivation to say it!) However, I only find it fitting to make my ceremonial rise from the ashes on Earth Day. (Yeah I'm not sure either).

How did I celebrate you ask? Well, I made sure to arrange for 4 big buses to drive an extra 40 miles out of their way today. No, really. But I did do my recycling today, AND I bought new pillows made entirely out of organic cotton and recycled plastic bottles. I originally bought them just for the sheer novelty of sleeping on plastic bottles, and not expecting them to be comfortable in the least, but as it turns out they're pretty comfy. I've been in the market for some new bed pillows for some time now. I'm quite particular about my sleeping arrangement, and have used the same two pillows for a very long time. They had just gotten to that point of optimum comfort and had molded to my body only to become unbearably lumpy almost immediately, and I haven't slept well since that point. Not only that but their fun for the Earth in a pretentious "hey look at me I buy organic" kind of way! (Which I am and I do)

I hope everyone had an enjoyably green Earth Day today, and I'll try to be a bit more consistent with my posts.

Impulse Buy Of The Day

Tagged...

So, I've been tagged by Jen-nay to write my six word memoir. Since I don't really have many "blogger friends", I'm only tagging two: Elisabeth and Kati.


My six word memoir:

"Thank God I think I'm funny."

The Rules:
1) Write your own six word memoir.
2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4) Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5) Don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.